Robert Menendez, Hogwarts Graduate?

Look, for instance, at these photographs of Robert Menendez, Democratic Senator for the state of New Jersey. What do you see in these pictures? Nothing, you say?

Exactly!

Look carefully. In each of these pictures, Robert Menendez can be seen extending his hand to hold something. But what is there? Nothing is there! Robert Menendez has been captured on film repeatedly holding nothing? It appears so.

What could possibly explain this? I bring you Exhibit A:

Satan ritual stabbing case opens
Miami Herald, Oct. 24, 2000

Prosecutors began making their case Monday against an 18-year-old Sunrise man charged with trying to kill a friend as part of a Satan-worshiping ritual.

Robert Menendez, who was stabbed in the throat and the back, says he and his Satan-worshiping friends were in the middle of a ritual ceremony when Darrell Harris tried to cut his throat as part of a human sacrifice.

I can hear you saying it: this is not the Senator Robert Menendez; it’s a different Robert Menendez. Uh-huh. Sure. That’s what they want you to think. On to Exhibit B:

This was one of those political weeks in which Democratic U.S. Sen. Robert Menendez – if he was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz – would be clicking the heels of his ruby slippers…

“If.” That’s they hypothetical “if.” The pundit’s “if.” The “if” that says, “If you were a child killer…”. We all know what that “if” means. It means, “we all know you have magic ruby slippers, but I don’t want a defamation lawsuit.” Uh-huh. Robert “Ruby Slippers” Menendez.

Not convinced? Check out Exhibit C, a House hearing on Transportation issues from back when Robert Menendez was a Representative:

Secretary MINETA: It is hard to predict what is in the crystal ball…

And why is it hard to predict what is in the crystal ball, Secretary Mineta? Because someone else has it! Who has it? Look who was at that hearing:

ROBERT MENENDEZ, New Jersey

But does he say anything in the whole hearing? No, not a word! Not a peep! Not an incantation, at least that is in the official record. He must have been busy, busy with something in the room. Something like… Secretary Mineta’s crystal ball, perhaps? What was Rep. Menendez doing with that crystal ball? We don’t know for sure, but we do know that just a short time later, he was elected to the United States Senate! And that’s not easy!!! Coincidence??? I think not!!!!

We need one more piece of the puzzle to make everything fit together just so. And here it is:

Muggles all over England have just reported seeing a car flying overhead, driven by two underage wizards. As an officer of the Ministry of Magic, what spell will you cast to prevent them from remembering?

I would put a Memory Charm on them so they would forget ever seeing the flying car. Then I would take the two underage wizards in for questionaing and tell them how lucky they are that we could do that to the Muggles.
Stephanie M./Age12/NY

I would cast a spell that they will only remember what they knew in pre-school, and after an hour they would only remember everything that they knew before and all you would say is “Parrelpeck”
Gordon D./Age 9/CA

The spell I would use would be called Disrememberum that would make sure that they thoght they had only saw a bird or plane.
Scott W./Age 11/WI

I would have to go to each and every person who saw the car and have to tap my wand on their head and say a spell. When they forgot everything, I would give them a new life by making fake memories for them.
Fiona H./Age 14/FL

I’m not sure what the spell would be called but it would work sort of like Memory charm. The only difference would be that it is much stronger. I would cast the spell over the whole town who saw or heard about the flying car. The dismembering dust would land on their food and once they took a bite of their food they would become very tired and during their rest they would forget only the things about the flying car cause if the forgot everything they might be able to tell that they were cursed.
Caitlin B./Age 9/MD

They will say carcoushy (car-coosh-ee)And they will appear at home with there faces stuck in there pancakes because the fell asleep during breakfast and had a dream about the place which they remember for a minute than forget the dream.
Anna H./Age 9/MI

Obviously, some of these students are less practiced than others. But it is clear that all of them are students of wizardry, particularly of the Hogwarts variety.

Is Robert Menendez a graduate of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? That would explain the holding of a crystal ball during political functions that, mysteriously, no one can see. But to move from the plausible to the clincher, just look at this picture from the same website as the Hogwarts students’ essay responses:

The young Robert Menendez. I rest my case.