It seems that some of the readers of Irregular Times are more literal-minded that I have counted upon, and have concluded that I actually believe that a quail might have been behind the suicide attack of the Bagram Air Base. A person named Barry has left a comment on the the article that I wrote about the attack in Afghanistan earlier this morning, complaining about my paranoid consiracy theories. “I can’t believe that you people are so paranoid. When will you stop with the conspiracy theories?” the skeptical Barry writes.
For the record, let me state that I have no reason to believe that a quail, a duck, or a bird of any other species that Dick Cheney has shot a gun at, was part of the conspiracy to launch a suicide bomb attack against the Vice-President of the United States today. Of course, I don’t have any evidence that it was not a quail who planned the attack. Still, I don’t regard that lack of evidence as sufficient cause to seriously state that it could have been the quail who was behind it all.
The thing is, I never meant anyone to take the allegation of quail-linked terrorism seriously. It was intended to be a joke, something so absurd that it would make people roll their eyes at the mere thought of it. As Barry has taught me, however, there are people who do not roll their eyes at the thought of a quail planning a terrorist attack against the United States. I have misled these good people, and I apologize to them.
It was my intention for bit about the quail to be the item that tips off readers that I was writing in an irreverent mood, saying silly things that would bring a bit of levity to a very serious story. So, the point was to show that yes, I understand that it’s extremely unlikely that Harry Wittington, a 79 year-old man in Texas, would launch a secret conspiracy to create a suicide bombing mission against Dick Cheney in Afghanistan as revenge for a clumsy hunting accident. That’s why I filed the story under the category “humor”.
Obviously, it was probably not Harry Wittington or a quail who was behind the attacks.
It could have been Mary Cheney’s lesbian lover, though, seeking retribution for Cheney’s support of a Republican Party that has made it illegal for the couple to gain legal recognition for their partnership before their baby is born.
Dick Cheney has a lot of enemies, after all.
