It amuses and disturbs me at the same time to see that, Ellen Greve, the woman who calls herself Jasmuheen, has arranged to have her publicity photographs enhanced with Photoshop, or some similar graphics editing program, in order to give herself an ethereal, otherworldly appearance.
Does she really think that adding some touches of wispy light to her photograph makes her a more credible spiritual guru? Does this sort of thing really work to bring in the gullible New Age devotees, with their checkbooks ready for enlightenment workshops?
Maybe I’ve missed an opportunity. It’s never too late to try, though. I hereby declare myself Rampo Stele Skyan, a practitioner and guru of the ancient spiritual discipline of Photoshoparianism. I can help you attain new heights of enlightenment in the 6th dimensional realm of Bezier. How? I will take your ordinary photograph, add a background of purple divinity, and then put in swooshy things, thus bringing your chakras to the elevated prana of Odin Force guardian angels!
For this virtual workshop, I’m charging a celestial boundaries maintenance fee of one hundred dollars per enhanced photograph visitation.
Any takers?
1) No halo, how do we know you’re divine? Not even radiating an aura. Jasmuheen’s aura probably takes off at least 30 years, so you don’t need one quite that bright, yet. Purple auras seem to inspire the most devotion.
2) You need a highlight–a tiny white dot–in each eye, usually placed in the iris somewhere as if there were an external light above and to the side. I know it sounds weird, but without it your eyes are glazed over and you look dead. Dead gurus don’t make any money.
3) Reference to Odin sometimes brings neo-Nazis out of the woodwork.
4) It’s not enough to do something, you have to be something. The name is perfect, try adding some more titles to it.
4) You’re not charging enough. Again, how do we know you’re divine? Add some zeros.
All Hail, Skyan, Keeper of the Icons of the Sixth Dimension!
i needed to laugh today… i nearly fell over. excellent.