The recent open declaration of Rampo Stele Skyan of h(is) ex(is)tence necessitates some further explanation. For some time now, the website you know as Irregular Times has been operating under the guidance of an und(is)closed organization, the Desert Institute of Advanced Breatharianarian Studies. The instructors of the Desert Institute of A.B.S. have provided valuable education, consultation and other spiritually cleansing services for some (but not all) of the writers at Irregular Times, clarifying many previously murky subjects and delivering hol(is)tic deobfuscation, alternative energy webhosting and personalized lectures on alternative nutrition. We also take out the trash.
If you look closely enough with your inner I, you will see the differences our efforts have wrought. Our intergalactic harmonization agenda involving the metatuning of plasmofields in and around the body has decreased d(is)cord among website members, increased efficiency, decreased unacceptable appetites, increased participants’ spiritual biodrive, and eliminated entirely unsightly deposits of cellulite. These results have received unanimous accolades in the Sedona Journal of Irreproducible Results and the Annals of the American Idiopathic Medical Association, copies of which we’re sure you can find in your local library.
However, in such times as these our considerable successes have not been enough. As we have continued to dimensionally intercede in the affairs of the select among those writing at Irregular Times, it has become apparent to us that a behind-the-scenes presence has not been sufficient. And so, with the authorization of those already writing for Irregular Times and the consultation with appropriate bioemetic energy fields, we have decided that it (is) time to declare ourselves full inhabitants of the Gaiablogosphere. We will begin writing regular features on th(is) website.
I will allow the other members of the faculty at the Desert Institute for Advanced Breatharianarian Studies to introduce themselves and their own spiritual d(is)ciplines in time; suffice it to say that I hold the deepest regard for Jasmuheen (channeled) and Rampo Stele Skyan. I am myself Dr. Cimmaron Desert Skye, Lorehealer of A.B.S.. Are you struggling to find yourself and your place in the universe? Do you have questions that reach beyond the inner consciousness to the unknown spheres? Are you curious about where to find great coupon deals? You are not alone. I can help!
Go ahead, ask the Lorehealer. Post a comment and I will immediately respond, although my words may take some time to become apparent on the web page itself. My answers to your questions will aston(is)h and amaze all those but the spiritually blind.
$4.35 karmacally fulfilling donation suggested:
Ask!
What the hell is a “Breatharianarian?” Have you gone off the deep end?
A ‘breatharian’ is a person who claims to subsist entirely on nutrients leeched from the air s/he breathes.
Therefore a ‘breatharianarian’ would have to be a person who eats exclusively breatharians.
At last someone has dedicated themselves to eschewing oblivification. About time, too.
I have three questions:
1) What relationship do you have with the Breatharians, or are you in competition with them? I hear you can die if you listen to them.
2) Will you be having any conferences soon? A lot of people like to travel this time of year, even if it’s virtual travel, and write it off as a business expense.
2) Why is there one highlight in one eye and two highlights in the other eye? Is this “wild-eyed”?
2) What portion of your spiritual consulting fee goes to the Kucinich presidential campaign?
3) I would like to get laid, but I don’t have $4.35. Can you still give me advice, just as a demo for the rest of your readers?
Ah, Dave, but a Breatharianarian (is) not the Hell, or any hell for that matter. To answer which end (is) deep, you will need to find your wallet, and dig, dig. Deeper, deeper…
Alan, you cling to th(is) plane’s “logic” overmuch. “Therefore” (is) a term which indicates that “forward” (is) preferable to “backward” or some other direction. Have you considered that what (is) “forward” in our plane of ex(is)tence may not be so in the twelfth dimension identified by String Theor(is)ts and quantum philosophers?
But you are, yes, “correct,” if you must limit yourself to such dual(is)tic thinking. We who are Breatharianarians respect the conclusion of Breatharians that by subs(is)ting on light and air, they render themselves more spiritually pure. Indeed, we respect their spiritual purity and concentration of virtue so much that we figure we might as well go to the source. Why not consume their virtue instead of go through the trouble of generating our own? Plus, Breatharians go really well with steak sauce.
We are so fortunate to have the Breatharian Jasmuheen (channeled) on our staff. She really helps out when we’re feeling a bit peck(is)h. Just one knuckle can go a very long way, as long as it (is) a spiritually pure one.
Yes you can, Iroquo(is), die if you l(is)ten to the Breatharians. Th(is) (is) why we recommend putting in ear plugs before pulling out the knives, especially if they are electric carvers, since th(is) tends to d(is)rupt the serenity of the scene somewhat.
We have had and will have educational learning meets (as we prefer to call them) on our Desert Institute Campus. Please request an application by writing to our admin(is)trative acolyte at the following address:
Brother James Dobson
P.O. Box 444
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
Brother Dobson (is) a somewhat difficult new pledge in our movement of spiritual awakening; he has the unfortunate tendency to suck everyone’s blood, whether they are a Breatharian or not. As a consequence of th(is), h(is) thoughts are somewhat m(is)aligned harmonically, but we have extracted prom(is)es that he will indeed send on our followers’ mail to the correct location. Just be sure to write, “Attention: Re: Pure Warm Flesh Symposium” on the envelope to be sure our wayward youngling does not become confused.
Kucinich? Why do you ask about th(is) Kucinich person? Pardon me, I must find some floss…
… aah, much better. Where was I? Yes, well, as you can see, you need not pay our suggested $4.35 karmacally fulfilling donation in order to receive advice. The delivery of advice in proper alignment with the unknown spheres, however, typically requires the use of a fresh oil pan, the purchase of which your donation will helpfully enable.
Dr. C. D. Skye, Lorehealer, A.M.C.E.
O Great One:
I have never seen an oil pan go bad, perhaps it is a new mechanic you need. Are you sure your carbon footprint is in proper alignment with the unknown spheres? One can never be too careful about one’s own cosmic purity.
When do you think the “personalized lectures on alternative nutrition” will manifest? ABS are great, but some are clamoring for PECs and GLUTEs as well. A spiritual biodrive metatuning is long overdue, in particular because of the bioemetic fields left here by Ron Paulites.
But I am so confused. Some who would never eat cow or even cheese claim the pink chakra is the key to breatharianism:
http://www.angelfire.com/stars3/breathe_light/hunger.html
while others swear by the quarter pounder with cheese and diet coke, in plastic bottles only, no less:
http://www.breatharian.com/qa5magicwords.html
All of this leading, disappointingly, only as far as the Fifth Dimension. I would say the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius is long past. Lead us, O Far-Seeing One, to the Sixth Dimension and Beyond.
In the Light,
Iroquois
Lorehealer?
Are you there?
Yoo hoo, O Swami, O Keeper of the Icons of Light?
No answer.
We were promised clarification of nutritional energy issues, but where is it? Do they even have a nutritional consultant? “Let them eat Breatharians”, that’s their whole plan?
Typical spiritual consultant behaviour. They say they’re going to help you find your place in the universe, but unless you’re constantly clicking their donate button, they just ignore you.
I won’t pretend to know about the twelfth dimension.
But try to subsist on air (for real, rather than fraudulently as in these cases), and you’ll sure as hell go two-dimensional pretty quick.
Oh, yes, Alan, three deaths have been linked to Jasmuheen and her “Living on Light” book:
http://www.rickross.com/reference/breat/breat08.html
In the case of the one death she said the deceased was “not coming from a place of integrity and did not have the right motivation”. Can you imagine being someone’s trusted spiritual guide and not warning about that in advance?
But in a way, these breatharians have a relationship with their food that I envy. My idea of eating is something like, “well, since I quit smoking and my metabolism changed, I don’t need to go over 25 grams of fat a day and this tablespoon of salad dressing already has 13 grams”…so boring already.
The guy in the second link says were are from the fifth dimension but came to the third dimension to eat the food because it’s like getting stoned. Some people got so stoned here on earth they forgot they were from the fifth dimension. Now how much fun is THAT guy gonna have with his food, even if he does eat McDonalds.
The lady at angelfire.com has a similar internally consistent food rap, this one about chakras. While rejecting the concept of not eating at all, she goes on to make some quite original observations about food, still within the “chakra” frame of reference. Maybe the unintentially funniest thing she does is redirect to her new website from this page,
http://www.angelfire.com/stars3/breathe_light/breatharianism.html
Where she tells you she will continue to post more things about “living on light”. The new website is nothing but links to ads—no articles, no factual material, just a series of moneymaking ad links. Talk about living on light. The lit-up, blinking computer screen ads will be raking in the dough for her.
These flakes have so much fun with their food, there must be a non-flaky way to eat healthy and have fun with it.
Ah, it is a sad thing, but your impatience will only lead you to eat toxic foods such as cabbage. If you only were brought into the full and unobscured light of Breatharianarianism, you might understand what additional uses an oil pan might have. I lend no credence whatsoever to those who suggest eating a Quarter Pounder with Cheese made from McDonalds, which is, I think, the crucial point here. You have to do it yourself, first emptying the milk ducts, then churning and culturing, then taking a nice flank. The milk is somewhat easier to obtain.