Albert Howard, the Angel’s Choice for President

Last night, we had a fun little message left as a comment on one of our articles about Ron Paul from a little known presidential candidate named Albert Howard. It read,

“America’s 1st Black U.S. President from Ann Arbor, MI”
Albert Howard For President 2008
Contribute Now Fulfill Prophecy Vote For Me
“Niggers For Ron Paul”
Ron Paul will be my running mate

We had long observed that Ron Paul’s supporters tend to be eccentric, but Albert Howard takes the cake. Mr. Howard says that he was instructed by the “Angel of the Lord” to run for President against Hillary Clinton. This prophecy is the first thing you see when you go to visit the Albert Howard for President web site: “The Angel of the Lord told me in January of 1992 that Hillary Rodham Clinton and I would meet and be running against each other and that she would lose”.

That’s an interesting message, given what Mr. Howard’s wife, Ingrid Howard, says about the nature of angels: “Angels are messengers, they do not seek to be worshiped. True Angels will never usurp God’s authority. Everything they say can be found in the Bible.”

I’m not a Bible scholar, so maybe somebody can help me out with this one. I can’t find the passage in the Bible that says that Albert Howard is going to win in a presidential campaign against Hillary Clinton. Well, if everything that angels say can be found in the Bible, then the prophecy must be in there somewhere… or perhaps… maybe… it wasn’t an angel that told Albert Howard to run for President.

Justifying his long shot campaign for President, Mr. Howard quotes Mohandas K. Gandhi as saying, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” In Howard’s case, that schedule may be slightly amended to, First you meet the Angel of the Lord, then he tells you that you’re going to beat Hillary Clinton to become President, then you build a web site, then Irregular Times writes an article making fun of you, then you win.

Some of Howard’s campaign issues actually are kind of attractive:

  • Restore the environment
  • Put an end to the Patriot Act
  • Stop the domination of the Democratic and Republican parties over our political system

    Others, however, start to show the Ron Paul libertarian brand of kooky:

  • Return America’s gold to Fort Knox and have it audited
  • Make it illegal to implant RFID chips in human beings
  • Have Congress and the IRS, in a public forum, reveal the law that requires Americans to pay a direct, unapportioned tax on their labor

    Yet other campaign issues hint at a history of problems in courts of law:

  • Educate juries to the fact that they have the right to determine the law as well as the facts of a case
  • Educate juries to the fact that they are not obligated to follow the instructions of a judge

    Others are enigmatic:

  • Sign up millions of Americans so we can accomplish our objectives

    Before too long the tidy list of issues gives way to a rambling collection of “Presidential Priorities”, which include the proposal that, “The so called ‘christian churches’ should immediately stop accepting tithes and offerings from their members until they can 100% and completely heal the sick, raise the dead and turn the world upside down as the biblical pattern commands.” Yeah! It’s about time that we had a President who realized that, if only churches would stop their fundraising, we could get all the dead people to stop lying lazy in their graves and get a job, the stinking graveyard welfare cheats!

    No one could accuse Albert Howard of timid thinking. Consider his health care plan, which totally gets around the divisive debate between private health care plans and a single payer system. Howard asks, “Why not eliminate sickness and disease in America completely”? Now that’s an idea that could work!

    Perhaps you’re thinking that Albert Howard doesn’t stand a chance of becoming President of the United States next year. Keep in mind that, as Howard points out, “Microsoft’s Bill Gates and I both dropped out of College!”

  • About Peregrin Wood

    A shortened northern American wrapped warmly in his cloak, scanning the world for irregular news.
    This entry was posted in Alternative Parties, Election 2008, Irregular Ideas, Religion. Bookmark the permalink.

    2 Responses to Albert Howard, the Angel’s Choice for President

    1. Rick Cain says:

      I’m not exactly sure why the author here considers why proposing sound monetary policy is “kooky”, but I guess everybody’s entitled to an opinion.

      Enjoy that RFID chip and money that’s worth only 60% of the EURO now.

    2. Anonymous says:

      Did the author really write that making it illegal to implant RFID chips in humans is kooky? I’m at a loss for words.

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