You might have heard of the plan by the UK to claim sovereign possession of one million square kilometers of Antarctica.
The thought occurred to me this morning: If the British can do it, why can’t I?
Here goes. I hereby declare possession of 200 square miles of Antarctica. This small area is hereby known as Pontifica, and will eventually be merely the ancestral homeland for a larger nation, Greater Pontifica.
Pontifican citizenship is open to all those who embrace liberty, and use their liberty to express what they have to say. Pontificate freely from Pontifica, with no restrictions. There will be no “balancing” of freedom and security in Pontifica.
Who’s with me? Bring your coat!
Well, alright. But I can’t promise I won’t secede from Pontifica and found New Proselytizia, which will probably win more converts who will then convert further converts. It’s like a pyramid scheme, only political, and with free fish! We will then conquer Greater Pontifica with an army of penguins. Morgan Freeman is standing by to narrate the battles.
Well, this all seems fine, except that Sanctimonia, as a neighboring finds themselves concerned that so many of Sanctimonian find themselves under Pontifican rule. Surely a reasonable border adjustment is in order, that irredentist Sanctimonians can rejoin the greater realm in some sort of union?
You and your nationalist dreams for continental superiority will be dashed by my new Antarctic nation, which holds Pontifica, new Proselytizia, and Sanctimonia in great disregard. Behold, and be irritated by The Democratic Republic of Notpayingyounonevermind!
You must realize that any aggressive actions taken against Greater Pontifica will be held as a threat to the sovereignty of the United Socialist States of New Atlantis and our Navy and standing army will be put on maximum alert, should any of your penguin missiles cross our borders.
Ha! My Artic nation of Zylonia will nuke you all! Then we will invade and kill your innocents! Then steal your oil! Muhahahaha!
Mind what you say, President Animist, or you may find Zylonia invaded by the Antarctic Coalition of the Willing and forcibly disarmed.
You should also know that New Atlantis has the largest army of Polar Bears anywhere, as well as the largest flotilla of Killer Whales.
Polar bears live in the Arctic, oh, Damen subservient to The Democratic Republic of Notpayingyounonevermind! Your army is futile, trapped on thinning ice around Greenland, on the wrong side of the globe!
That’s what I wanted you to think.
However I had my army of polar bears shipped to New Atlantis last Thursday and they’ve been secretly training for combat.
Go on, Fruktata, make my day.
While you are infighting I am planning!
If you’re not with me, you’re against me!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha! If we team together we can take down Anonymous and its legion of anonymity!
I don’t know, Comrade Animist, Anonymous is a force to be reckoned with. They are hackers on steroids, according to Fox News.
Still, I think we can take them…
What a lot of misplaced testosterone.
None of that iceberg stuff for me.
I have purchased an island in the Caribean which I have named Lotuseaterland.
We make love, not war.
Don’t threaten my Caribbean colonies and we’ll be fine, Iroquois.
Colonies?
Colonialism died a long time ago.
If you are as good looking (or as confident) as you say you are, Damen,
why don’t you come over for a visit and taste our flowers?
And would someone break up that long line of exclamation points in post #9 that’s ruining the page width?
Would you prefer that I expand my territory through war and conquest rather than colonies, Iroquois?
And I have no problems with smelling the flowers. Its one of the many pleasures in life.
I see you’re not going to bite on that Lotophagi business. But why do a bunch of supposedly progressive bloggers get on and immediately start wars, conquests, colonialism, but no one seems to do anything that would be considered more progressive? Can’t they think of any other way to run a country?
Very simple, Iroquois.
We do it for the lulz.
I’m doing it for the krill, myself.
Oh-oh. I just found out the title of Lotus Eaters
has been taken by the island of Djerba
off the northern coast of Africa.
Drat.
Now I need a new name for my country.
In addition, I have also found out that like England,
The Consensual Island of MakeLoveNotWar
would be underwater in the event that
Global Warming turns out not to be a hoax.
Some of my NeoCelibates are advising me
to ignore the possible danger, but I am
thinking I might be in the market for some
real estate in Antarctica. Shall I go for
war, conquest, colonization, purchase,
or just claim the territory?
And who should I move in next to?
Is there one option that would give me
more luls and krill and another option
that would be more ethical?
WE ARE MANY. WE ARE LEGION.
WE DO NOT FORGIVE. WE DO NOT FORGET.
See that little island at the northwest corner of the picture? You’d probably like it there. Of course it could end up underwater if global warming keeps up, but still.
Move in next to USSNA and much lulz will be shared.
May Anonymous have mercy on your exploding vans.
I hate to tell you this, but Australia has prior claim on the territory now claimed by Pontifica.
here is a great interactive map of the various territorial claims:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/graphic/0,,2191812,00.html
And that little island you seem to be pointing out is George Island, part of the Faulklands,
a barren piece of rock with a lone cabin inhabited on occasion only by motivational speakers,
belief builders, and corporate attitude adjusters.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2007/mar/10/antarctica.business
Not good. I don’t think my Lotus Eaters would get along with that bunch.
But I appreciate your offer of neighborliness, Damen, especially since the LotusEaters
speak the same language as New Atlantis and would probably marry some of them in time.
We are currently talking with the U.K. as far as recognizing some of their territorial claims
in exchange for a non-aggression understanding, but the details about religion
have yet to be worked out. They will insist on placing us under their bishop (Church of England),
but I think we will agree to that. Our religious ritual involves the hallucinogenic lotus, and
if the bishop decides to mess with us he may be seeing God the hard way. We are also
investigating the varieties of sea cucumber found in the area to see if they have any
pharmacological properties similar to the botanicals used to make zombies.
We like your alliance with Zylonia, and would probably join you in it. That Animist character
seems bit psychotic at the moment, though, but we need his help to hold off the Anonymous hacker on steroids.
Did I mention we have hallucinogenic lotus? Yes, well, even though we don’t war,
we are poisoners at heart. That technology will be at your disposal of course,
which should nicely complement your polar bear and killer whale flotillas.
As a resultof global warming, the water has been rising, and some of our
lotus gardeners are even now seeking higher ground. The LotusEater Diaspora
is about to begin, along with the formation of the new nation LiveAndLetLive.
Of course other nations have claims to territory in Antarctica but
none of those claims are legally recognized. Ours, however, are.
By who? By us, and because I said so.
The United Socialist States of New Atlantis slices right through
Antarctica from 66°33′S 30°W to 66°33′S 150°E (not including ice sheets).
Of course we do encompass all the territory claimed by the UK, Chile,
New Zealand, and Argentina, but that matters little in the long run.
Yes, the USSNA is the largest continental nations. However most of our
funds are devoted to space exploration rather than toward the military.
But as I indicated before, we are more than ready to defend ourselves,
I say merely to remind President Animist that nuking of others will not
be tolerated.
Madam Iroquois, you make a tempting offer, but does your country know
of the wonders that is the Dark Sex God’s Chicken Marsala?
Psychotic? Please. I’m just getting into the conquest day spirit, that’s all.
BTW, lotus eaters don’t care about what goes on around them. They only care about teh lotus!!
It looks, Damen as if you are claiming everything south of the Antarctic Circle
and more or less to the east, including Pontifica.
I posted a few maps in the diaries, just in case:
http://irregulartimes.com/diaries/2007/10/where-is-antarctica-again/
The Consensual Monarchy of LiveAndLetLive has been looking at the area
just west of the Antarctic Peninsula that is so far unclaimed. This is
covered by the western ice sheet, which is much younger than
the eastern icesheet and perhaps might disintegrate sooner, as have several
icesheets in this last decade. The other area we are interested in is off the
Tasmanian coast, as their Devils are a great favorite with our LotusEaters.
The colony might be fairly cold–not to mention dark in the winter–for a few
more years and this looks like a good place to winter over.
No Animist, That’s a false rumor planted by the military-industrial complex.
This type of lotus, on the contrary, makes those who eat it
excruciatingly aware of their surroundings. So much so that they forget
about making war and decide to get a life. Google it, along with Homer’s
Odessey. The ancient Greek soldiers who ate the lotus had to be carried
forcibly back to their ships. The Greeks then forgot all about attacking
the LotusEaters, and departed.
I would imagine the Chicken Marsala has a similar effect. We are familiar
with the British style of Veal Marsala, juicy medallians with a mushroomy
flavored sauce made from the drippings, the musky flavor being imparted by a few
drops of Marsala wine. Likewise we have a chicken BBQ secret weapon with a few drops of
chipotle sauce for muskiness. Veal makes our defense budget go up too astronomically,
though, so if your chicken marsala technology is declassified, why not post it.
And Animist, if everybody here jumped in a lake, would you go jump in a lake too?
(I just couldn’t resist, he’s probably too young to have heard that one before.)
I don’t really want a piece of Antarctica to claim as my own. Just a little berg to float on, heading north.
Well I don’t think the whole “Global Warming” thing is really all that important or true (Look at some of my other discussions) but just incase land goes up in value frozen or not I’ll take all the unclaimed land left!
Ha!
Lotus Eater Territory will soon have an open port!
http://irregulartimes.com/diaries/2008/01/jpl-antarctica-study/
All your base will be Mine!!
Prepare for Tasmanian Devils dancing in weather stations!!!
Iroquois IH (Imperial Highness)
Queen of Lotus Eaters
Sublime Goddess of the Marsala Mysteries