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Question: Assuming you are elected, what message will you offer the whole country to unite us?

Barack Obama: I would convene a continuous advisory meeting with members of both party on national security issues, because divisions over national security should end at the water’s edge. I want republicans, democrats and independents to understand that I’ll say to the world “America’s back. We’re ready to lead.” Not through the military, but by building schools, by embracing diplomacy, by shutting down Guantanamo.

Hillary Clinton: I want to be the president of the whole country. We’ve got to begin to work together, find common ground. It is the responsibility of a leader to try to make that possible. There will be differences, but we can begin to listen to one another. We should bring in people who aren’t involved in public life.

[Hoo boy, this is a platitude-eliciting question.]

Joseph Biden: I’d start by ending the war. Secondly, over time you gain respect. I work with Republicans. I’d include Republicans in the administration. The vast majority of Republicans out there think the war is a shambles. This will not be very hard. Once George W. Bush is out, I’ll bring the Republicans along. Don’t buy into the premise that the Republicans don’t agree with us. They’re just afraid to take on Bush.

Bill Richardson: The cornerstone of my foreign policy and domestic approach would be diplomacy, bringing people together to find solutions. I would have a Middle East peace envoy. I’d have a two-state solution for Palestine and Israel. I would be efficient, effective, and fair [thanks for clearing that up!]. You have to be bold.

Yes, these candidates are for the good things! And they’re against badness. Also, they like pretty pretty clouds and the clowns, but not the scary clowns.