The John Edwards campaign lied today, using lies lyingly! Jennifer O’Malley Dillon, the Iowa State Director of the Edwards presidential campaign, wrote me a personal note. She started off by reminding me of our close relationship:
Dear Jim,
and then larded on the gratitude:
The staff and volunteers at our campaign headquarters in Iowa took a minute and cheered when I told them that you responded to my e-mail and helped us raise $55,000 online in just a few hours yesterday.
They what? She what? Oh, I’m mad. I’m angry. Now I’m going to have to call the Edwards campaign headquarters in Iowa and give this big old embarrassed explanation that actually, I didn’t respond to Dillon’s email and I didn’t give the Edwards campaign any money. I didn’t help them at all yesterday, and it didn’t take me a few hours to do nothing, either. There’s going to be that awkward silence at the end of my admission, and I really resent the fact that Dillon talked about me to these strangers in that kind of sharing manner. Even if it were true, you know, that I had given John Edwards money, couldn’t the staff have waited to learn about it from the quarterly FEC reports? It’s kind of yicky how Dillon was oversharing here about something that didn’t actually happen.
That makes me think: is Ms. Dillon suffering from some kind of problem? You know, maybe stress-related or something. Because she’s enaging in classic borderline personality behavior and all — overly aggressive, not respecting personal boundaries, clearly delusional about what did and what didn’t happen, and I’m stretching here a bit in this last one, but hear me out, I think she’s trying to manipulate me or something. See, she kept right on going:
I wish you could be here, on the ground, to see for yourself everything we’re doing to reach Iowa voters. I know that you would be here if you could, to help our outreach efforts by going door-to-door for John, or making phone calls and distributing flyers.
That was kind of seductive and flattering, like she was coming on to me or something. Should I tell my wife? I hope she doesn’t read this first, because it is SO not true. How could she possibly know that I would be right there by her side on the ground if I could be? Does she think I wrote her a letter or something? Because I didn’t, OK? I don’t even know her! I’ve never even met her! She means nothing to me, I promise. This is all just a big mistake.
The letter gets even weirder later on:
You can feel and see and hear the enthusiasm for John…
See, she’s like flirting with me or something, and then she’s going off the handle for this guy named John, I think that means John Edwards, but she’s using his first name and all, which is very intimate. Is she a polyamorist, or trying to get me into a threesome or something? Has anyone told Elizabeth Edwards about this behavior? I understand John Edwards is in Iowa a lot, flying in and out of town. But that doesn’t mean John Edwards is a cheater — I need to stress that, because I think it’s pretty clear that this Dillon character (“Jennifer O’Malley Dillon” = JO’MD = Jesus, O My Dodd! = not at ALL an Edwards supporter) is vulnerable to some pretty weird flights of fancy. Hey, could Jennifer O’Malley Dillon be the kind of cyberstalker they talk about in the local news you can use segment on the nighttime TV?
Please, somebody get her some help. She really needs it. These kind of unrealistic expectations she has about her relationship with me and the presidential candidate will only let her down in the end.
A few months back I was startled to receive an email from Barack that started out “Dear…” using my first name. I was startled to say the least. That sure isn’t the respectful kind of business letter salutation you learn in high school senior English class. What was the deal here? Did Michelle know about it?
Apparently it was nothing, though. There were certainly no claims about money changing hands, and in fact Barack seemed to have nothing more than the Military Commissions Act on his mind, along with the Geneva Convention.
Last summer I got some more insight on the first name thing when I found some marigolds for the new tenant’s children and gave them some rudimentary planting instructions (green side up). They developed a sudden attachment for me that included screaming my first name over and over at a high decibel level every time they saw me. When you are mowing the lawn outside someone’s window this can be quite a few times per day. Subsequently I found out their parents were not, shall we say, engaged in the kids’ lives. It’s all done by the grandma.
Familiar? Wasn’t Barack mostly raised by grandparents?
Anyhow, if you scratch Jennifer’s (can I use her first name here?) surface, you will probably find nothing more than a grandparent-inspired grateful obsession for anyone who shows the least little impersonal passing courtesy for her or her boss.
O’Malley Dillon is definitely a “live one”–anal, with a stunning case of obsessive-compulsive disorder….
but that makes her one of the absolute BEST field directors in politics today. Obsessive attention to detail, inability to be “calm, content and settled”–always trying to the last minute to make sure everything and everyone is doing what is to be done.
Little too much of a slavedriver (interns and volunteers are 99% drones, not a whole lot of chances to “savor the vibe of campaign”), but hey, if your candidate WINS, you can retroactively visualize the “fun”……!!!
OK, Kirk, I appreciate your earnest sincerity, but… this wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, except to the extent that we are actually supposed to take what she wrote seriously, which is kind of the point.
Does anyone have Jennifer’s contact info.? I need to get a hold of her.
Thanks.