Nude Photos of Teenagers Out In the Wilderness

I saw the headline on CBS News this evening: Teens’ Nude Pics “Spread Like Wildfire”. Just then, though, my Internet connection went out, so I had to consult some old-fashioned references, a dictionary and an encyclopedia, some old science textbooks, to see what that might mean.

I’m no physicist, but I did some research into the physical properties of fire – specifically, big fires out in the wilderness. Out of that research, here’s what I’ve been able to gather about what’s happening with nude photographs of teenagers. It’s pretty weird stuff, but if CBS News says it’s true, who am I to question?

- If you get some dried grass, and touch a picture of a nude teenager to it, the dried grass quickly turns into another picture of a nude teenager.
- If you put a pile of photographs of nude teenagers at the bottom of a hill, soon they will spread up hill, with more and more nude photos being created until the surge reaches the top of the hill. However, if you put a pile of photos of teen nudes at the top of a hill, they will likely remain where they are, unless there is a big wind.
- Every summer, the U.S. Forest Service goes out into the wilderness and sprays collections of photographs of nude teenagers with water
- If you are surrounded by photographs of nude teenagers, the only way to survive is to drop to the ground and cover yourself with a thermal blanket. Otherwise, you will be consumed by the photographs of nude teens.

My Internet access is back up now, so I guess I’ll head on over to CBSNews.com and see if that’s what they had in mind.