What marketing dunderhead decided that the envelope of Barack Obama’s latest fundraising letter should read:
“James, This Time Will Be Different…”
Oh, I don’t disagree with the “James” part. Jim is short for James, after all. They got my name right. But who thought it would be a good idea for a presidential fundraising letter to read:
“This Time Will Be Different…”
This is the classic line of the lover who has done wrong, begging, begging to be let back in, promising the moon. It’s the line of the used car salesman who’s sold one too many lemons. It’s the line of anyone who has done someone else wrong and is looking for easy redemption.
“This Time Will Be Different…”
That’s what you say, Barack Obama. But what do you mean? Do you mean that this time you won’t support the FISA Amendments Act? Do you mean that this time you won’t promise to engage in warrantless wiretapping when president? Do you mean that this time you won’t endorse the empirically unsupported practice of diverting government money to churches? Do you mean that this time you won’t shove a plank into the Democratic Party platform that tells Americans how important it is for them to be religious? Do you mean that this time you won’t flip flop on offshore oil drilling? Do you mean that this time you won’t shove convention protest into a cage in violation of free speech and free assembly rights?
… no. I just opened the letter. By “this time will be different,” you meant that this time I would “rush a generous contribution — of $545, $820, $1090 or even more” to your coffers.
I tell you what, hon: I may have been jilted, but I’m not stupid. Why don’t you enter a constitutional rehab program, reread the First and Fourth Amendments, develop a new platform, and then come by and ask me again? Until you do, I can’t believe you. Besides, I can still smell the beery morning-after stench of intoxicating power on your breath, and there’s that lipstick from those hussy authoritarians still on your collar. Clean up your act, then call me again… but not today, Barack Obama. Not when you show up on my doorstep looking like this.
