It is time that I, the original force behind Irregular Times, reveal myself. It has always been me creating all the articles and pictures and movies at Irregular Times.
That’s not to say that the other authors are not real. They are real. I created them too.
I, after all, created everything. I am Herbie the Cosmic Iguana, and I created the Universe!
I also destroyed the Universe last Thursday, and then created it again by evening time, which accounts for the troubles you had with your workday.
I have been forced to bow my knee to Irregular Times reader Jacob, who doubts my existence, and instead worships the false deity, God. Let’s just think about this for a moment. If you were to be the creator of the entire universe, would you give yourself such a short, boring name as God, or would you instead choose the funky name of Herbie the Cosmic Iguana? Well, I know what I’d do, which is why I did it! Proves my point!
Anyway, here I am, formally announcing myself in a personal way to Jacob, because, hey, that’s what a real personal relationship with your creator means, you know?
Aw, let’s dispense with the formalities, Jacob. I have a very important family secret about your heritage to tell you, if you’ll just watch my video introduction…
Herbie,
Although I have never read of you and my good pals at Irregular Times cant give me any sources other then youtube videos to prove you exist I must pray that they are right and I am wrong. I will trade myself being licked for eternity by a pack of pug puppies for them burning for eternity in the lake of fire. The crazy thing is that God (what we call Him, not His name) doesnt ask for anything in return. In fact he only wants to give. He paid the penalty asigned for them and for myself. All we have to do is accept that we are sinners and that we can not make ourselves rightous. Well, I guess its not true that we dont give anything, we have to give up our pride and self righteuosness. But, I sure hope I am wrong and they are right because I know through there refusal to respond with more then heckling and laughter that they are closed to the gospel and think it is folly. For there sakes let it be true that I am wrong. I wish what comes next on know one…
I do apologize for my lack of knowledge and ability to speak. I need to work on that. I feel I have pushed you further away from the truth. Thats on me… I will dig deeper and increase my knowledge so that I can answer the questions you have asked to future people better. But the truth was told here, regardless of how unelegont and broken. I am not the first to preach it on these pages and I wont be the last. My prayer is that the hundreds of seeds that have been planted her over the past several years coming to harvest. That work is not mine.
Jacob,
I have bent my knee to you and made you my prophet, appearing directly to you, and still you do not believe in me? When has your “God” from that book of yours done this for you?
You are choosing the torments of the pugs in return for following a character that does not exist. There will be no hellfire for anyone who doesn’t believe in God. I, Herbie, have proclaimed it, and being the master of the universe, I know! Why do you not listen to the truth?
Is it my breath?
I hope that you will leave your falsehood behind, Jacob. That God has a lot of outdated rules he makes you follow, and I see here on Irregular Times how often you expect other people to follow those rules too. My yoke is lighter. All I ask is that you read Archie Comics.
Remember, you have been visited directly by Herbie the Cosmic Iguana – and your choice to live in denial of that truth may haunt you for years to come. It is never too late to embrace the truth, Jacob.
Jacob, why have you forsaken Irregular Times? You no longer come around to convert us. Doesn’t Jesus love you any more?