On Election Day, VOTE to Name the FBI’s Not-Spying Spying Program

The New York Times reported last week on the existence of a newly expanded FBI program of surveillance in which their agents spy, often covertly, on people and groups in America when there is no evidence of any wrongdoing. These people and groups are targeted by the FBI for surveillance on the basis of their political opinions, their religion, and/or their race. They’re going into unsuspected and unsuspecting churches and other places of religious worship for purposes of “assessment.”

But in the midst of all this subterfuge and skullduggery, there’s one thing the FBI would like to make perfectly clear. Now that they’ve had to admit that this program exists, they insist that we not call it “spying,” because then we’d get upset, and they don’t want us to be upset. They want us to call it something else, but they don’t suggest what.

Well, alrighty then! If we can’t be straightforward and call it the FBI Domestic Spying Program, we’ll have to call it something else, and we’ll have to give it our own name.

To get this process underway, Irregular Times has declared a contest to name the FBI’s non-spying spy program. Last week we asked you to submit your suggestions for the program name, and now it’s time for voting to begin.

What Should We Call The FBI Domestic Not-Spying Spying Program?

  • BITE ME: Best Improved Terrorist Employee Monitoring Effort (22%, 5 Votes)
  • The Medium Sized Brother Program (17%, 4 Votes)
  • The Anti-Surveillance Surveillance Program (13%, 3 Votes)
  • VOYEUR: Vision On Your Every Unexpected Response (13%, 3 Votes)
  • The Definitely Not Spying On You Program (13%, 3 Votes)
  • Operation Clear View (13%, 3 Votes)
  • The Fluffy Bunny Protection Program (4%, 1 Votes)
  • FB-EYE ON USA (4%, 1 Votes)
  • Rhinestone Cowabunga (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Pit Bull in Every Pot Project (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Keeping America Safe Safety Program (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Inside Out Terrorist Prevention Program (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Friends Under Cover Keep Your Organizations Untouched (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Failing Drug-War Surveillance Program (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Anti-Spying Surveillance Program (0%, 0 Votes)
  • The Anti-Surveillance Spying Program (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Eye Candy (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Walls Have Cameras (1%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 23

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So come on now, get out that twitchy Election Day finger and vote for your favorite! The person whose suggestion proves most popular will win a free 4th Amendment button to be shipped to their home or any other address in the U.S., including 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Then it will be up to you and me to make the FBI program’s new name stick.

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4 Responses to On Election Day, VOTE to Name the FBI’s Not-Spying Spying Program

  1. Kevin says:

    yea! I’m winning! 2 to 1!!

  2. ramone says:

    ASSP has a nice ring too it and there are three different versions. wait… you mean i could vote for my own idea? well, can i change my vote? i suppose you’d have to be some kind of computer wizard to do that. what about stuffing the ballot box? is that fair?
    kevin does have the best acronym, BITE ME, but, the message is a little askew. best improved terrorist employee monitoring effort? that’s a stretch, kevin, but, i like it.

  3. Kevin says:

    well, the program looks for and monitors employees of terrorist organizations. and it improved, and its a best effort…

  4. ramone says:

    was it improved too? i thought it couldn’t get any better than this!

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