I’ve had it.
I’ve seen a supposedly unbiased journalist write about the “fiscal cliff” one too many times. I can’t stand it any more, so, I’m taking action.
As of tonight, I am calling for a discontented member of the U.S. Senate or U.S. House of Representatives to resign, and, through a corrupt process of his or her choosing, to arrange for me to be appointed in the resulting empty seat. I’m looking for someone like Jesse Jackson Jr. – someone who has “bipolar disorder”, or whatever you want to call the malaise that settles in on a human being who has been in the presence of straight-faced nonsense for too long.
I promise, if appointed to Congress, to take no legislative action but to introduce the following bill, and then resign:
H.R.6582 -- American Energy Manufacturing Technical Corrections Act (Introduced in House - IH)
HR 9782 IH
112th CONGRESS
2nd Session
A bill to provide for voluntary disincentives for journalists to use the phrase 'fiscal cliff'.
Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
This Act may be cited as the `The Fiscal Cliff Journalism Aversion Therapy Act Of 2012'.
SEC. 2. INNOVATIVE COMPONENT TECHNOLOGIES.
Section 342(f) of the Not Being A Propaganda Tool For Corporate FearMongers Act (42 U.S.C. 63139(f)) is amended--
(1) in paragraph (1), by striking `paragraphs (2) through (5)' and inserting `paragraphs (2) through (6)'; and
(2) by eliminating the phrase 'a walrus'; and
(3) by adding at the end the following new paragraph:
`(6) FISCAL CLIFF JOURNALISM AVERSION THERAPY- The White House Press Secretary shall establish a voluntary program for American journalists who agree to donate 100 dollars to Oxfam America every time they write, speak, or otherwise use in an article of journalism the phrase 'fiscal cliff'. Participants in the program shall also agree to wear large, brightly colored shoes, orange wigs and polka-dotted jumpsuits for a time no less than 24 hours.'.
Before you resign, please consider using a corrupt process of your choosing to also introduce my idea of drone strikes on those who refer to social security as some kind of unfunded mandate even as its excess revenues fund all manner of waste.
What was I thinking? Clearly I forgot that the president doesn’t need laws to authorize drone strikes. Problem solved.