Having a cat with a long hair is great for
taking a tuft that has settled on the porch
and blowing it back up from the palm of the hand
to drift, showing the currents of air before
settling back down in the same place again.
If Your Mother Wrote Bohemian Rhapsody
March 18th, 2013 | Posted by in Irregular Verse - (1 Comments)I’m just a poor boy
Nobody loves me
You’re not a poor boy
Stow the gun, grumpy
Eat your sandwich, take a nap and you’ll feel much better
Against the blinding white of the blizzard
The white birches seem a sickly yellow
The black-backed gull overhead seems blue
And every young man out there
Struggling to clear his driveway
Shows up dark against the background
What a World
January 11th, 2013 | Posted by in Irregular Verse | Liberty | Moral Values - (1 Comments)What a world we live in
Corporations are People
But Tents aren’t Speech
Unless you Rent a Pavilion
They go for a Million Each
What a world we live in
Occupations are Outlawed
And Big Media Smothers
Unless your copy is Corporate
Written up by the Koch Brothers
Free speech for me but not for thee;
Presence persists in property.
Written in my great grandmother’s autograph book in the 1890s:
Love is a killing thing.
Beauty is a blossom.
If you want your finger bitten,
Poke it at a possum.
Can You Write an Election 2012 Palindrome?
November 4th, 2012 | Posted by in Election 2012 | Humor and Fun | Irregular Verse | Mitt Romney - (2 Comments)“Yen mort, Tim? Mitt Romney!”
That one’s simple. Can you do one better? Write up your best Election 2012 palindrome.
But when ______ it’s up to ______ to save the day
October 10th, 2012 | Posted by in Irregular Verse | Media - (0 Comments)For millions of moms and dads of public school kids, it’s time for the Scholastic book fair again. This came home in my daughter’s backpack:
It can’t be too much fun to be a copy writer for one of these book fair fliers, writing two-sentence summary after two-sentence summary after two-sentence summary. But when a blurb has to be printed by 5 pm, it’s up to the copy writers to save the day!
Trying to figure out how often the “But when [event happens], it’s up to [protagonist] to save the day” phrase is used, I searched for it on Google (which tells me there are 392,000 web pages containing this construction) and Bing (which serves up 68,200 web pages). That’s a lot of protagonists who have to save the day. Some of my favorites:
Katie Kazoo Switcheroo: “It’s been a couple of weeks since Katie turned into the class hamster, and she’s beginning to hope that maybe her transforming days are through. But more excitement lies ahead for Katie as she becomes Lucille, the cafeteria lunch lady! Unfortunately, the principal isn’t too happy with a lunch lady who throws egg salad and starts food fights so it’s up to Katie (back in her own body) and her classmates, to save the day.”
Garfield the Movie: “But when the talented Odie is snatched by a greedy TV show host, it’s up to the fat furrball to save the day.”
TIM: Defender of the Earth: “A tale about TIM, short for Tyrannosaur, Improved Model. TIM’s existence is a military secret, but when a nanobot plague breaks loose, it’s up to the dinosaur to save the day.”
I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space Issue 6 (of 6): “The Lesbian Pirates have been captured! Stuck in a holding cell on Male Man’s ship, it’s up to Susie to save the day.”
Fur and Feathers in the Catball Capers: “In the city of Pawston, Meowsachusetts, an overnight robbery of the Pawston Cat Food Bank is under investigation by Leo and Carrie, a pair of anthropomorphic cat and bird private investigators. But when ninja ferrets hit Scollop Square soon after, it’s up to Leo and Carrie’s alter egos, Furball and Feathers, to save the day – and in the process, discover who stole Pawston’s precious supply of cat food.”
What’s Forbidden About Nostradamus Prophecies?
May 22nd, 2012 | Posted by in Irregular Verse | Media | Mysteries - (7 Comments)The other day as I was waiting with my kohlrabi to check out of the grocery line, I came across this colorful front-page headline in The Sun:
Exactly what about Nostradamus’ prophecies for Summer 2012 is forbidden?
Is Nostradamus himself forbidden? Well, golly, it’s not like he’s going to move anywhere, being dead and all.
Is it forbidden for you to read Nostradamus’ prophecies? Er, no. All of Nostradamus’ quatrains (four-line poems, folks) — are available for you to read right here.
Maybe they’re just forbidden during the Summer of 2012. If so, then you should check back this time next month and see if the above link works. A broken link? It must be a conspiracy? No broken link = nothing “forbidden.”
I just can’t figure out what’s forbidden here. If you know the answer to this riddle, let me know. There surely must be an answer; our newspapers never lie to us.
