Edmund Fitzgerald Porter No Wreck, But No Legend Either

October 28th, 2012 | Posted by Truman in Reviews - (0 Comments)

With everyone in the Northeast waiting to see if Hurricane Sandy delivers true calamity, I thought the time would be right tonight for me to try out a disaster-themed beer. I chose the Edmund Fitzgerald porter, from the Great Lakes Brewing Company.

The original Edmund Fitzgerald was lost on a stormy night and made into a repetitive folksong. Neither will happen to the Edmund Fitzgerald porter I bought tonight.

My 6 pack of Edmund Fitzgerald was left to cool safely on my back porch on a misty pre-hurricane twilight before consumption. Opening the bottle brought no great crack of sound, nor any whiff of destiny for my nose. Sipping it as I write, I find myself able to go for many minutes before remembering the bottle on my desk. This brew does not begin to plumb the depths of beer. It’s good, but there’s nothing remarkable about it. It numbs my teeth more than it stimulates my tongue.

I will say that, toward the end of the bottle, all of a sudden, a nice warm glow fills my mouth, with a touch of sweetness to it. It’s nice. It’s okay. It’s a warming sensation for a cold and stormy season. But, is this sensation enough to motivate me to get another 6 pack when this one is through?

Probably not.

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Foods are Proof that God Wants Us to Be… What?

June 9th, 2012 | Posted by Jim Cook in Bumper Stickers | Religion - (2 Comments)

If you ever visit the historical sites of Boston or Philadelphia, you’ll notice t-shirts and buttons for sale at just about every available souvenir stand, referencing Benjamin Franklin’s quote, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Made by historically-minded Guatemalan and Chinese sweatshop workers, these pieces of swag offer a comforting thought: that if human beings consume something, it reflects God’s desires for us.

But wait a minute: does Beer prove that before 7000 BC God did not love us and want us to be happy? Does Beer prove that nowadays God wants us to frequently urinate and hit one another with large motor vehicles? And if the existence of Beer proves what God wants, doesn’t the existence of other foods and beverages also indicate the nature of God’s wishes? Is Cabbage proof that God wants us to be flatulent? Is Pizza proof that God hates Pigs (pepperoni doesn’t come from the pepper plant) and wants us to suffer from late night indigestion? Are Brussels sprouts proof that God wants kids to refuse to eat their dinner?

Are those squiggly lines with dots underneath them proof that God has a tough hide and wants us to ask questions?

Beer is Proof that God wants us to have bad breath bumper sticker

Pizza is proof that God hates Pigs and wants us to have indigestion bumpersticker

Caffeine is proof that God wants us to be jittery and irritable bumper sticker mocking the Ben Franklin quote

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Buying The Gimmick Of Middle Ages Beer

June 11th, 2011 | Posted by F. G. Fitzer in Humor and Fun - (0 Comments)

“Step back in time to when men were men, women were brewsters, and hand-crafted fine ale filled every flagon,” urges the Middle Ages Brewing Company, an operation based in the rather unmedieval city of Syracuse, New York.

I decided to take them up on their offer. I got a box of Middle Ages beer this evening. Was I transported back to a time when fine ale filled every flagon? What a silly thought. There never was such a time.

I’ve had the Swallow Wit and a bottle of the Beast Bitter now, and I have to say that the beer itself is fairly ordinary. It’s not bad beer, but it’s not outstanding.

The major flavor I’m left with is the kitsch of beer with dragons on the label, or having Impaled Ale instead of India Pale Ale. That’s enough for me, for a box of beer. It’s fun. Beer snobs will scoff, but people who can drink a bottle of beer while scoffing at other people’s beer really need to… well, they need to have another bottle of beer.

I applaud the Middle Ages Brewing Company for having a bit of fun, and sharing some with me.

Is Women Serving Men With Beer Funny?

May 17th, 2011 | Posted by Jim Cook in Questions | Sex and Gender - (5 Comments)

James Delingpole attempt at a Joke: how many men does it take to open a beer?

Is this funny? Why? If you don’t think it’s funny, do you lack a sense of humor?

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Krampus Lager – A Winter Friday Beer Review

December 10th, 2010 | Posted by jclifford in Podcasts | Reviews | Video - (0 Comments)

It’s Friday, and I suppose that I could be writing about the ongoing Democratic revolt against Barack Obama and his tax cuts for billionaires. Heck, maybe I will – later.

For right now, I’ve got the morning to drink a bottle of beer that I’m very excited about. It’s a seasonal “imperial” beer, a “helles lager” from the Southern Tier Brewing Company in Lakewood, New York. I’m prepared for something interesting, just from the name of this brew – it’s called Krampus lager.

Krampus, you may remember, is the ancient spirit of Yule mischief, descended from the distinguished pagan lines of Loki in the north and the satyrs in the south. Imagine that kind of spirit in a beer!

Here goes:

krampus lager review

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I Had No Idea A Beer Could Run for Congress

April 27th, 2010 | Posted by Jim Cook in Election 2010 | Politics - (4 Comments)

Headline: Leinenkugel launches GOP run against Sen. Feingold

Now I know why the Berry Weiss left a bad feeling in my mouth. If Leinenkugel wins, can we get a law outlawing bitter aftertaste? If Russell Feingold wins re-election, will we have to hoist a glass of wine in tribute?

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Jesus Christ! India Sees Riots Over a Beer and Cigarette

February 23rd, 2010 | Posted by Jim Cook in Liberty | Media | Moral Values | Outside the USA | Religion - (0 Comments)

Two and a half years ago, the country of Malaysia was all a-twitter when an image of Jesus Christ holding a can of beer in one hand and a cigarette in another appeared in a newspaper. Cries for swift government retribution filled the air, because after all Jesus is too weak to defend Himself! Wait, no, that didn’t come out right. The image was censored because Jesus was more of an oenophile… yes, that must be it.

Jesus Holding a Beer and a Lit Cigarette... the source of censorship in Malaysia and IndiaIn India this month, after the local appearance of this Beer and Cigarette Jesus picture, Christians took to the street, forced merchants to close their shops, looted those shops, torched some motorcycles, and tried to set fire to some buildings… because Jesus would have wanted us all to turn the other cheek into a flaming wall of mayhem. The police beat them up, a Hindu mob responded by setting fire to Christian churches, the person who printed Beer Jesus was hauled off to jail, and the government censored the image, promising to respond to future insults against any religion “with an iron hand.” Local Christian leaders Albert Dua and Father Joseph brought followers to block bridge traffic. Father Joseph called for Christian rioters to be released from jail and the jailed Beer Jesus printer to be put to death:

It is not right to make fun of any religion, whether it is Hindu or Christian, as it hurts the sentiments of devotees. Therefore, whoever tries to create tension among communities should be severely punished.

Death, fire, mayhem, censorship, Jesus, beer, religion. Shake and stir for a lovely cocktail!

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Why No Beer Before 8 AM?

September 8th, 2009 | Posted by Rowan in Questions | State and Local - (3 Comments)

Just learned from a sign in the grocery store: In New York State, it is against the law to buy beer before 8:00 in the morning.

Why? What kind of bad thing is going to happen when people buy beer before 8:00 AM that won’t happen if they buy beer after 8:00 AM?

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