When The Crucifix Was Horny

April 18th, 2013 | Posted by Truman in Religion - (0 Comments)

herm metropolitan museum of artPious literalist Christians will tell you that the crucifix is the symbol of their religion because Jesus was crucified by the Romans. That story is certainly a part of the official Christian mythology, written down and edited together generations after the supposed death of Jesus, but there’s more to the symbol of the crucifix than that.

For one thing, as a religious symbol, the crucifix predates the legendary dates of the life of Jesus – by hundreds of years at least.

For another thing, the original crucifix was horny.

What you see here has the basic shape of what we call a crucifix, but in its time, it was referred to as a herm. It was found in Greece and is estimated to have been made around 490 “BCE”. What does BCE stand for? Perhaps it’s Before the Crucifix got Emasculated.

As you can see, before the Christians got a hold of it, there was no cloth draped strategically over the crucifix, and it had an unashamed erection. It was a phallic image – to a god of commerce, sexual and otherwise.

Sex was about more than just getting it on and having a good time. It was symbolic of the fertility that is created through all sorts of commerce, when trade, literal and metaphorical, of ideas and materials is allowed to cross the boundaries between what seem to be separate entities.

Christianity wasn’t just an outgrowth of Judaism. It was the product of a regional Hellenistic culture that included recognition of the power of the deity represented by the herm – Hermes. Hermes was the original good shepherd. Hermes was called Christ before Jesus ever was. Hermes was the big brother of Jesus, with the same parents, the son of the sky god and the earth goddess Maia.

Before Jesus was crucified in legend, Hermes was the crucifix, and the snakes of fluid transformation that climbed up the crucifix tree represented by the caduceus. The difference between Hermes and his little brother Jesus is that while Jesus regarded the serpent as evil, Hermes watched the serpent undulating, traveling back and forth opposites of shadow and light. While Jesus literally flipped out at moneychangers in the temple, Hermes had the depth to see the sacred quality of their trade, uniting sex, money and enlightenment. Hermes was a trickster, but Jesus saw only the straight lines in life, and was not described in his surviving legends as having laughed, even once.

He was part man, part god. He performed miracles, including the healing of the sick and the raising of the dead. He was lifted up into heaven. He died, but he came back to life. His symbol is seen outside many churches today in the form of a cloth draped on a cross, and is worn by those who seek a way to do more good than harm.

Jesus? Well, yes, but someone else too: Asclepius.

Asclepius was the Greek god of healing, and his symbol is still seen in the caduceus, a winged post encircled by two snakes, topped by two wings. The snakes symbolize the power of a being that can be born again, leaving its old skin behind, as a snake does, shedding its skin. In ancient Greece, the skin shed by a snake was left draped upon a post, to symbolize the growth of a powerful self that is then reborn in a higher plane. This worship was in some places later transformed into the nailing of a live snake on a post.

That form is still seen in the alchemical symbol of a snake on a post, on a crucifix, or in a tree. The Encyclopedia of Alchemy, written by Rosemary Guiley, claims that “A snake climbing up a tree represents the process of becoming conscious or going through psychic transformation.”

The vision of Jesus on a crucifix, or of a long purple cloth seen on a crucifix, as we see outside many churches on Easter, is often identified as but a part of the snake on the post tradition. One Christian church, acknowledging this link, tells its follower that the snake is Jesus, writing in Bible study notes, “The Snake nailed to the pole symbolized Jesus – who became sin for us.”

jesus christ through greek mythology and alchemy

This motif is found not just in the gospels, but also elsewhere in the Bible, as in the Book of Numbers, in a passage which reads:

“The Lord said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.”

The references in non-Jewish, non-Christian traditions are much more numerous than what’s in the Bible. That fact has led some Christians to reject the idea of focusing on the crucifixion of Jesus, identifying it as a primarily non-Christian, or “pagan”, form of false idolatry.

One such Christian group decries what it depicts as “pagan” worship of the symbol of the cross, saying, “To argue that this heathen symbol ‘is now OK to use and honor because the meaning now points to Christ,’ is not only to ignore that Jesus Christ and the Apostles and the original New Testament Church never worshipped or revered the cross…”

Another Christian says that he doesn’t care if the crucifix is a pagan symbol, asking rhetorically, “Many pagans pray, does that mean we as Christians should stop praying because it is a pagan practice?”

Christians: How do you react to the idea that Jesus is one form of a sacred snake nailed to a post? If you accepted this idea, would it deepen your faith or weaken it? Why?

Non-Christians: Does the idea of Jesus as one form of a sacred snake nailed to a post change the way you think about Christianity or not? If there is change, is that change positive or negative? Why?

British publication The Sun says that no one can use the following photograph without their permission, because it presents a uniquely valuable, shocking expose of the life of extraterrestrial fairies visiting the earth.

The headline: Leprechaun-alien snapped.

smudge on photograph silly extraterrestrial

The Sun explains that the person who took this photograph “swears the image has not been doctored.” Gee, really?

Well, I for one am not going to question what someone else believes. I mean, that would be rude, wouldn’t it? In fact, I want to validate the feelings of the alien leprechaun photographer by sharing a similar experience I had looking at a photograph of John McCain, giving a speech in front of an American flag (because otherwise people might think he’s a Canadian).

Here’s the original photograph:

john mccain in front of an American flag where the crucifix appears

Now, here’s a closeup of that area of the flag next to John McCain’s elbow:

a closeup of a hidden cross in the American flag next to John McCain

It’s amazing – and I didn’t doctor this photograph! Well, except for the yellow arrow and the green circle.

That crucifix was clearly placed right next to John McCain to let us all know that McCain is really Jesus returned to Earth to spread the divine gospel of tax cuts! God really works in tricky ways, doesn’t he!

And who would have suspected that John McCain is Jesus, now that he’s shaved his beard? It’s almost as if McCain were waiting until the right moment to reveal himself as the Messiah… and that moment is at hand! Hallelujah! Baptize yourself in the Potomac!