After openly questioning the extent of the government’s evidence against nine members of the the Christian fundamentalist Hutaree militia, U.S. District Judge Victoria A. Roberts has ordered the release of the Hutaree Nine on bail, although pausing in the implementation of that release to give federal prosecutors time to revise and resubmit a “woefully inadequate” appeal.

In her 36-page decision issued yesterday, Judge Roberts cited the right of the Hutarees to talk trash about the government in a van:

While the Government contends that the crimes charged against Defendants go well beyond speech, there is no doubt that controversial, offensive and hate-filled speech is implicated. In their defense, the Defendants disagree that this case implicates anything other than speech, and, that whatever they said, did not amount to a conspiracy to commit illegal acts. The Defendants argue that the language they used does not “instruct, solicit, or persuade others to commit crimes of violence.” See United States v. Rahman, 189 F.3d 88, 117 (2nd Cir. 1999). They disagree that any of them had an intention to commit seditious conspiracy to overthrow, or levy way against, the United States Government.

The United States is correct that it need not wait until people are killed before it arrests conspirators. But, the Defendants are also correct: their right to engage in hate-filled, venomous speech, is a right that deserves First Amendment protection…. The Court need not decide now, whether Defendants will be able to raise a First Amendment defense. However, the Defendants do raise principled arguments concerning the First Amendment protection afforded, even to speech we hate. For the reasons stated, the Court finds: (1) Defendants met their burden to produce evidence in favor of release; and (2) the Government failed to persuade the Court that Defendants must be held until trial.

Judge Roberts complains that the government’s evidence of seditious conspiracy is often ridiculous, including the burning of a United Nations flag, and says of the infamous Hutaree van speech, “This so-called speech – never delivered outside the van – speaks of reclaiming America, not overthrowing the United States Government.”

On the other hand, Hutaree leader David Stone and his son and follower Joshua Stone are quoted as declaring the following to the other Hutarees:

DAVID STONE: In April, we’re gonna get dropped on the ground and do a real op. April’s gonna consist of two training[s]. It’ll be the second Saturday of April, and the forth[sic] Saturday of April.
…
JOSHUA STONE: Welcome to your first real training.
…
JOSHUA STONE: And as far as this training in April, don’t be afraid to pull the trigger on anybody, if we have to.
…
JOSHUA STONE: Now if we do wind up plugging somebody, welcome to ah ah, the first training of really shooting someone.

There are a lot of ellipses there, but “pulling the trigger” and “plugging somebody” and “really shooting someone” are hard to misinterpret. And then there’s this:

DAVID STONE: We’re gonna . . . we’re gonna pop [a Hudson police cop] – guaranteed!
. . .
DAVID STONE: We’re gonna pop every one of [the Hudson police cops]. There we go. “Hey, you think we got him?” “Yeah!” “Why?” “There[sic] all dead.”

DAVID STONE: You kill enough cops, you can’t get enough people to take the job. Why? I’m not gonna become a cop and go die.

JOSHUA STONE: Yeah.

DAVID STONE: Become a cop and last, last two weeks on the street, nah, that’s ok. I’ll stay working at Burger King.

How realistic is the plan to kill police officers?

Kristopher Sickles: Sneak in their house, poison their milk.
…
DAVID STONE: All the cops are dead in their houses. Who’s gonna come out and fight us?

KRISTOPHER SICKLES: Slash their tires first, you know what I mean.

As the Christian fundamentalist Hutaree tops off these ideas, Judge Roberts notes that “there is also a discussion of strippers.”

And what about militia connections? Here’s an interesting tidbit:

The Government argues that Sickles is the self-proclaimed leader of the Ohio Militia. Sickles proffered at the bond review hearing, however, that the Ohio Militia has two members – one of whom is Sickles.

Finally, after discussing First Amendment protections in favor of the defendants, Judge Roberts issues as a condition of bail that the Hutaree website be shut down and that accused members of the Hutarees not be permitted to associate with one another, with fellow non-accused Hutarees, or with members of self-proclaimed militias.

What do you think of all this?

The mainstream news media are noting with solemnity yesterday’s “federal court release” of the audio of a speech delivered by the leader of the fundamentalist Christian Hutaree as practice on the way to a militia summit (you can click here to listen for yourself). But someone, apparently a relative of Hutaree leader David Stone, actually posted a transcript of that speech to the Hutaree website back on April 9. The Hutaree transcript has a few minor errors and omissions; after modifying it by ear, here’s what the big Hutaree speech apparently had to say:

DS = David Stone

JS= Josh Stone

OI = Other Individual

DS: . . .that was the start of their police state. So, do I think all the cops out here would . . . they would fight right along side some Chinese trooper? Heck yeah. It’s all about power. It’s about the, the authority. They see us as the little people.

OI: There’s a lot more of us.

DS: But, until people realize that and stand up in one voice and say no, we mean no, it’s not going to happen.

DS: Like in my speech, Mikey.

OI: The one we didn’t hear.

DS: The one you didn’t hear.

CH: Maybe you should give it to us. You going to practice on us? Yeah, we got time. I want to hear it anyway. Yeah, let me turn the radio off. Yeah. Yeah, literally a captive audience.

DS: This is a good speech, buddy.

JS: I’ve heard it, heard it, heard it, helped him with it.

DS: In this nation we think we are free but you need a certificate to be born, a license to drive or permit to build, a number to get a job and even a paper after you die. These are permission slips from the terrorist organization called the New World Order. People in this nation as well as some around this world are waiting for those individuals like you see sitting in this room, we was supposed to be down there, to actually make the decision to go to war against the evil greedy New World Order. They need leaders who are not afraid to stand up and actually mean no more.

We are free and should not be afraid or ashamed to admit we are the American militia. We outnumber them. As long we let them terrorize any American through fear and intimidation, then they are winning this battle and we should step up to the fight that they have started and finish it. The people should not be afraid of their government, the government should fear the people. As we sit here, the New World Order continues to put all constitutional loving people in this nation onto their national criminal watch lists, just one more step toward, toward total control. But keep this in mind, they may have their lists, but we also, we are also making lists of these terrorists that are destroying our nation. They may think they are untouchable. They forget, they live in our neighborhoods. They shop at our grocery stores. They eat at our restaurants. We are the ones who control everything in this nation from preparing the food that they eat to running the power stations that they get their electric from to even maintaining the roads they drive down. We are everywhere and need to understand this for it is called America, land of the free. This is our home. We own it. Not them.

The whole nation has stood on one voice about no more Wacos but every day in this nation we see another Ruby Ridge or Pastor Steve Anderson traffic stop taking place. We can not allow this any more if we are serious about taking our nation back from the elitist New World Order. They are few in number. We are many. Every day we watch ever so close for those evil blue helmets to appear on our streets. But as long as their Interpol law enforcement mercenaries called The Brotherhood working for the New World Order are doing such a great job then we don’t need to watch for these foreign armies to come to our shores. They are already here. We need to actually stop and see who the enemy has hired to do the job of destroying what is left of our nation and our freedoms. This is our nation. Because of the American people sleeping at the wheel, we find ourselves with this mess. Its our cross to bear and we need to ask the simple question: How much longer are you going to put up with a foreign army controlling your streets and highways?

The Hutaree is not an ally with everyone across this nation but make no mistake about it, we will fight along side anyone that calls the New World Order, the enemy and sees them as terrorists as we do. I have heard that there are people out there looking for a single leader to lead them but that just makes for an easy target for these elitist terrorists. We have in place the perfect system: Many commanders with the same common enemy, with the same common goal, every nation without tyranny. In closing I want to say that we need to quit playing this game with these elitist terrorists and actually getserious because this war will come whether we are ready or not. As I stand here now, I say we will never be fully ready. It’s a major change of lifestyle. A war of this magnitude will not be easy but like the rattle snake on the Gadsden flag, we have rattled and warned the New World Order. Now it’s time to strike and take our nation back so that we may be free again from tyranny. Time is up. God bless all of you and welcome to the new revolution.

In court proceedings last month, federal prosecutors have made much of this speech, citing it as evidence that the Hutarees were going to go to war against the federal government. But what I learned by listening to this speech was quite different:

1. Finally, I know how to pronounce “Hutaree”: it’s Hew-TAR-ree, not HOO-ter-ry.

2. Somebody’s been reading too many Stephen J. Cannell novels if he thinks that an international conspiracy would call itself “The Brotherhood.”

3. Somebody needs to tear himself away from those Stephen J. Cannell novels and copy some really rip-roaring rants off the Internet to perfect his Art. The Hutaree speech was pretty tame in comparison to what you can read any day of the week at FreeRepublic, LittleGreenFootballs, 911truth, any Tea Party website not controlled by Republican politicians (although sorry, no, not Thomas Jefferson).

If this kind of rant is what it takes to get arrested, the government will have about 10,000 more smack-talking libertarians to arrest. If the prosecution is going to convict the Hutaree, they’ll either have to rassle up a really credulous jury or show that they’ve got more evidence up their sleeves than this. The fact that the government hasn’t started rounding up the 10,000 smack-talking libertarians indicates to me that the government either has more evidence or hugely overreacted in its arrests. I look forward to finding out which.

There is no public source that contains the full speech made by Hutaree leader David Brian Stone in February 2010 to his assembled followers as they turned around to go home. The Christian militia that was allegedly to bring “war” to the U.S. government was prevented by a bit of winter weather from making it to a summit of militia groups, so Stone read off his remarks anticlimactically over the roar of the interstate.

No, we don’t have the whole speech, but CNN and CBS have made parts of it available. Read what you can and ask yourself: is this the talk of a terrorist, or is it (as the Hutaree defense claims) just someone who “has an opinion and knows how to use his mouth”?

“In this nation, we think we are free, but you need a certificate to be born, a license to drive, a permit to build, a number to get a job and even a paper after you die. These are permission slips from the terrorist organization called the New World Order.”

“People in this nation, as well as some around this world, are waiting for those individuals like you see sitting in this room to actually make the decision to go to war against this evil, greedy New World Order. They need leaders who are not afraid to stand up and actually mean No More. We are free and we should not be afraid or ashamed to admit that we are the American militia. We outnumber them. As long as we let them terrorize any American through fear and intimidation, then they are winning this battle, and we should step up to the fight that they have started and finish it.”

“Every day, we watch ever so close for those evil blue helmets to appear on our streets. But as long as, through Interpol, law enforcement mercenaries called the brotherhood working for the New World Order are doing such a great job, then we don’t need to watch for these foreign armies to come to our shores. They are already here.

“People should not be afraid of the government. The government should fear the people.”

“Now it’s time to strike and take our nation back so we will be free of tyranny. The war will come whether we are ready or not.”

Does your opinion change when you’re told that David Brian Stone had an undercover FBI agent make explosives for him? Does your opinion change when you’re told that it was the undercover FBI agent who catalyzed the turn from talk to concrete plans for action?

Jamie Paulin-Ramirez, accused by the U.S. government of involvement in a conspiracy to engage in terrorist attacks, is being repeatedly referred to in news reports as a “Colorado Mom” and also as a “Colorado Mother.”

Kristopher Sickles, accused by the U.S. government of involvement in a conspiracy to engage in terrorist attacks, has not once in the press been referred to as an “Ohio Dad” or an “Ohio Father.” This is despite the fact that Kris Sickles stayed home to take care of his kids during the day.

What is the reason for this? And what is the effect?

The uncovering and arrests of the Hutaree group this past week fascinates me because the group sits right atop the intersection of a number of cracking fissures in the crust of American society: religion, belief, distrust, authoritarianism, freedom, rebellion, militarism, victimhood and victimization being just a few of those. It’s unlikely for any one of us to find him- or her-self neatly on one side or another side when it comes to the Hutaree because the fissures that the Hutaree aren’t all lined up in the same direction. In regarding one another, it’s more like we’re standing on top of a crumbly cake than peering across a canyon.

Because of that, the reactions to the grand jury indictment of 9 Hutaree members for their alleged kill-a-cop-for-Christ plot are not what you might expect. Members of Congress who in the past cited conspiracy arrests in Homeland Security speeches are absolutely mum now. Free Republic, one of the centers of Internet support for detention without charges and waterboarding torture for Muslim extremists, is now heavy with skepticism and reminders that the accused are innocent until proven guilty and “b.s. charges” remarks. The Hutaree themselves, enemies of government, will be using government-paid public defenders.

In reacting to the Hutaree, it’s time to do as F. Scott Fitzgerald asked of us and hold opposing thoughts in our minds.

On the one hand, the Hutaree website clearly advocates for the commission of violence. On the other hand, the U.S. government has called a lot of people “terrorists” before who weren’t actually planning to do anything.

On the one hand, in our judicial system the Hutarees are innocent of a crime until proven guilty in a court of law. On the other hand, that’s a right that the Hutarees’ fellow fundamentalist Christians have been trying to erode. And if we had a third hand, then on that hand we’d recognize that independent of whether the Hutaree Nine have committed any crime it’s fair to consider what members of the Hutaree have publicly declared about themselves and their intentions.

It is possible simultaneously for Hutaree members to have extensive militia ties and to be despised by members of miltia for allegedly targeting police officers and their families. It is possible simultaneously to have a deep and abiding distrust of police officers and law enforcement powers and to have concern for their physical safety.

It is reasonable to feel a sense of relief that if members of the Hutaree were planning to murder families and attack motorcades, they were stopped before they carried out the deed. At the same time, it’s reasonable to ask whether the Hutarees’ first and fourth amendment rights were violated during the investigation of their activities.

It’s fair to ask procedural questions about whether the Hutaree are victims of entrapment who maybe never intended to really act on their tough talk. But if you’re going to be procedurally sympathetic for Christian fundamentalists accused of terrorism, then you need to be procedurally sympathetic to Islamic fundamentalists accused of terrorism.

The government may feel it is your friend, but still be out to get you. The Hutaree may be motivated by the idea of rescuing virtue to destroy innocents.

Welcome back to the pre-9-11 mindset.

The unnamed “CNN Wire Staff” today issued a report with a contradictory headline:

Group arrested not Christian or militia, insider says

(CNN) — Members of a militia charged with plotting to kill police were not Christian or a militia, a man acquainted with the group said Tuesday.

“This is a group that I would classify as neither a militia or a Christian group,” said Michael Lackomar, a member of the Southeast Michigan Volunteer Militia. “They’re really a fringe group outside of anything we do.

CNN is trying really, really hard on this one. But trying really hard doesn’t make CNN’s headline make sense. If what Lackomar says is true, then what makes Lackomar an “insider”? If the Hutarees are really “outside of anything we do,” how would Lackomar know whether the Hutaree group is or is not a Christian or Militia group? Either Lackomar has no idea what he’s talking about, or he is an authority on them because the group was not “outside of anything we do.” The whole premise of CNN’s presentation doesn’t make logical sense.

But even if you don’t care about logic, the deep Christian and Militia roots of the Hutaree group are empirically verifiable.

The Hutarees are Christian

If the Hutaree flag flying below a flag of the Christian cross isn’t enough for you, consider that the group chose the name “Hutaree,” defining it to mean “Christian Warrior”. The Hutaree website proclaims that “We are to be Christian soldiers.” Its self-declared mission: “Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive.” The group declares itself to be the “armour of God” in the face of “the rise of the Anti-Christ.” And how about the declaration, “We are an Independent unit, subject to GOD’s laws and guided by the testimony of JESUS!!!!!!” For Pete’s sake, the “CCR” on the Hutaree badge stands for “Colonial Christian Republic.”

The following is the “Doctrine of the Hutaree”:

The Doctrine of the Hutaree is based on faith and most of all the testimony of Jesus. Hebrews 11:1, ‘Faith is the substance of things hoped for, The Evidence of things not yet seen.’

Jesus spoke of the ten virgins in Matthew 25: 1-12. The wise ones took enough oil to last the whole night, just in case the bridegroom was late. The foolish ones took not enough oil to last the whole night and figured that the bridegroom would arrive earlier than he did.

These bridegrooms represent the Christian church of today. The oil, just as Jesus explained, represented faith. If you read the story right, you find out that the people with enough faith to last as long as it might take are the wise ones. They know and believe in the testimony of Christ, even through the darkest and most doubtful of times. This day is soon.

The foolish ones are the ones who expect Christ to arrive too soon. They have brought for themselves only enough oil to last for a short time, having not enough faith to last through the darkest hours. When the time comes for those without enough faith, they will fall to the Anti-Christ’s doctrine. And it will make perfect sense to the whole world; even the elect.

We all as Christians should stand firm in Christ and believe in him until our uttermost end. The testimony must by no means pass away and we must spread the word believing in Christ’s words, even during the end times.

Now when that hour Christ arrives the foolish ones would have already left their waiting mark, their place in Christ. Then when he comes over, trumpets blowing, and clouds flowing, the wise ones will come to him in the clouds and into heaven. The foolish will then remember what they were ‘supposed to do’ and cry out loud to God and knock on heaven’s door. But read and you’ll find that it says that when the door is shut no one enters afterwards. They will knock and he will say, “Away with you, for I know you not.

I Peter 5:11, ‘And this is the Testimony, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.’

Believe in this word and spread it to all you can. Stand, stay and pray for the defense of the word. For we live by faith and cannot see nor understand what we believe, entirely, but nevertheless the reward is worth it in the end.

ETERNAL LIFE IS IN JESUS, AMEN.

A April 29, 2008 web archive of the Hutaree website (hutaree.com) lists “Just some of the various information sources we use.” Their complete list:

Off The Grid Girls

WorldNetDaily – A Free Press for a Free People

Jerusalem Post – Breaking News from Israel, the Middle East and the Jewish World

Military Space News, Nuclear Weapons, Missile Defense

Jack Van Impe Ministries

Real Truth Magazine

The European Union Army

EUobserver.com

EUROPA – Gateway to the European Union

Western European Union – Union de l’Europe Occidentale

CNSNews.com: The Cybercast News Service

Times of Noah – Current Events and Bible Prophecy

Christian Apologetic Web Site; Countercult; Evangelism

WorldNetDaily is a website operating from an explicitly fundamentalist Christian perspective. Jack Van Impe is an evangelical Christian. Real Truth Magazine is published by the Restored Church of God. Times of Noah recently went defunct, but if you search for the google archive of the site you’ll see that it’s a Christian End Times conspiracy website that identifies the European Union, Russia and Islamic Nations as the enemies of Christ. CNSNews.com is another fundamentalist Christian wire service, and “Christian Apologetic Web Site” speaks for itself.

Unless you want to claim that WorldNetDaily, CNSNews, Jack Van Impe and the Restored Church of God are not Christian, unless you want to shut your eyes to the flag of the Cross the Hutaree flies, it’s unavoidable: Hutaree is a Bible-quoting, Bible-thumping Christian group.

The Hutarees are Embedded in Militia Culture

Whether you call them a militia or not, the Hutaree placed themselves firmly in the midst of militia groups, both rhetorically and socially.

This screen capture from a web archive of the Hutaree online forum refers to a call to Christian militia formation:

As of tonight, you can still head to http://hutaree.com/misc.htm (don’t expect that to stay up for long) and find the Hutarees’ link page, a screen capture of which looks like this:

The pesky thing about camouflage is that it makes it hard to see anything, but if you strain your eyes long enough you can read direct hyperlinks to The Patriot Broadcasting Network (Liberty Tree Radio), The Michigan Militia, The Ohio Militia, and The North Idaho 21st Light Foot. All of these are core organizations in the militia movement.

And then there are the MySpace friends of the Hutaree (a partial list taken from the first page of a web archive since the group page has been removed) and of “RD” — David Brian Stone. Here’s a list of the MySpace friends of the Hutaree on just the first page:

105th “Blue Guard”
135th Illinois Volunteer Cavalry
1st TN Rifles Unit
55th Idaho Lightfoot
Big Tony Tony V
black brigade
BM Brogzen
Brittany Bryant
Central Texas Militia
Christians Against the New World Order
Constitutional Republic of America
Doc Gulley / Jim Gulliksen
Florida Free Alliance
Ghosts of the Republic
Jackson County Volunteers
JR David Stone
Kentucky State Militia
Kris Sickles
Lee County Armed Volunteers
Lenawee County Volunteer Michigan Militia
LK Zevitch
Me Too!!!
Michigan Militia Corps Wolverines
Mobile County Survivalists
Mountain Man 6 Molon Labe
Ohio Defense Corps
Ohio Militia
RD Merzonik
SA-R.N.E.M. (Confederate Chapter)
Sons of Freedom Militia
thane Molon Labe
The Intelligence Report / Liberty Free Radio
Washington State Militia
WV Militia
Yorktown Militia
Yuma Militia

Of those Myspace Friends of the Hutaree in general, the following are also specific friends of David Brian Stone:

55th Idaho Lightfoot
Big Tony Tony V
BM Brogzen
Brittany Bryant
JR David Stone
Kris Sickles
Lenawee County Volunteer Michigan Militia
LK Zevitch
Me Too!!!
Michigan Militia Corps Wolverines
Ohio Defense Corps
Ohio Militia
The Intelligence Report / Liberty Free Radio
WV Militia

Hello, militia movement. Then there are those posting notes of support for the Hutaree on the Hutaree’s Myspace page:

Les “Molon Labe”
Solo Clone
Nunya
Tracy LaFontaine
LHC, AZ. Patriots Molon Labe
THeeye Molon Labe
2-Glock Molon Labe
PASTOR ZIG Molon Labe

What’s with all those “Molon Labe”s? It’s not “Molson Lager” misspelled. It comes from the Greek, and is used in — you guessed it, militia circles — as a challenge. If you want my weapons, “come and get them!”

You could wave your hands until Christ comes back with a loaded Uzi but you couldn’t make this go away. The next time someone comes up to you and says, “Hey, man, why is the mainstream media always tagging the Hutaree 9 as Christians and part of the militia movement?”, just point them here and reply “because that’s who they are.”

In the context of learning more about the Hutaree group that had nine of its members arrested this past week, I’ve come across the following text written over and over again, usually next to someone’s name:

Taken out of Greek characters, it can be read roughly as “Molon Labe,” the challenge of King Leonidas when told to put down his weapons. The text has been translated as, “Come and get them!” The implication seems to be that if someone tries to take the writer’s weapons, the writer intends to use those weapons to prevent the seizure. That’s what the implication seems to be, but I’d like to know whether that’s really what the people writing it mean to express.

The “Molon Labe” text is not only used by the Hutaree group on the internet, but also by militias and Christian reconstructionists. Can anyone from within or who has had direct contact with the Hutaree, militia or Christian reconstructionist movements tell me what this text means particularly within those movements? Can anyone link me in to an article that discusses this text’s meaning for these groups? When a person in these groups utters these words, what does he or she imply?

Something does not add up in the case of Kristopher “Kris” Sickles, the “Pale Horse” of the Hutaree Nine.

On the one hand, Kris Sickles is alleged to be a warrior for Christ. Although fundamentalist Christians are loudly complaining that the adjective “Christian” is being associated with the Hutaree group that allegedly made very specific and near-term plans to kill police officers, there’s good reason to use the adjective Christian. The group chose the name “Hutaree” because it means “Christian Warrior”. The Hutaree website proclaims that “We are to be Christian soldiers.” Its self-declared mission: “Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive.” The group declares itself to be the “armour of God” in the face of “the rise of the Anti-Christ.” If that’s not enough to convince you, how about the declaration, “We are an Independent unit, subject to GOD’s laws and guided by the testimony of JESUS!!!!!!”

Yes, the Hutarees put their Christianity at the center of what they do. That’s on the one hand.

On the other hand, the same Kris Sickles (see his photo upon capture here) is part of “Stoned Loser Productions,” a set of people who make online movies. Kris Sickles stars, for example, in Rick and Bob are dead. His character, named “Kris Sickles,” starts off the movie like this:

[Chad sits on the toilet and takes a hard crap. Kris Sickles pulls a gun on Chad while hiding in the shower.]

Kris Sickles: You son of a bitch!

Chad: Well, if it isn’t old Sergeant Hard-Nuts Kris Sickles!

Sickles: You remember me good.

Chad: Yeah. I imagined I’d see you here some day!

Sickles: You still got it. Nice to see you, you old son of a bitch, you! Ha, ha. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I got a kid now!

Chad: What? A kid? Where’d you find one of those? Come here, little feller! Yeah, that’s your uncle Chad. Hey, boy! Hey, you got a wide one!

Sickles: Let’s go get some hookers!

Chad: Who loves hookers? Oh yeah, you little man! Little man love hookers!

Sickles: I got him his first one when he was three!

Chad: Ha, ha. A late bloomer, huh?

Sickles: Hey, man.

Chad: Sergeant Sickles! Oh, man, I forgot my army handshake!

Sickles: Good deal. You crazy son of a bitch, man.

Chad: No, no, no. You, sir, are the crazy son of a bitch!

Sickles: That one time in Cambodia?

Chad: Ho, ho, ho!

Sickles: That was all you, brother!

Chad: Who thought that much dynamite would fit in a pig’s ass?

Sickles: Ha, ha, ha, ha. We’ve got a few stories, brother. Let me fuckin’ tell ya!

Chad: Dark stories, but stories nonetheless.

Sickles: Stories that’ll make you wake up in a cold sweat at 3 in the morning and choke your wife because you swore she’s a VC prostitute!

Sickles: Listen, I’m gonna cut right to the chase! The general called.

Chad. No!

Sickles: I know what you’re gonna say!

Chad: Tell him no. I’m out.

Sickles: It doesn’t matter, OK? We’re still the best! They need the best! You know our old war buddies, Rick and Bob?

Chad: Yeah, Rick and Bob? How the fuck are they? Those warts on Rick’s dick ever clear up? Man, he called me like 15 years ago, he said, “Yeah, I got these warts on my dick!” And I was like…

Sickles: Rick and Bob are dead!

Chad: What?

Sickles: Rick and Bob are dead.

Chad: What’s the mission?

Sickles: We go to Egypt. We got to get the golden sphinx back from the Pharaoh. We get the golden sphinx, we kill a couple bad guys, and get the fuck out of town, OK?

Chad: What choice do I have?

Sickles: None at all. You know this is a suicide mission, Chad.

Chad: I’ve never planned to come back from any of our missions. Ever.

Sickles: Well, that’s an honorable approach. Don’t expect to come back from this one!

Chad: What time are we leaving?

Sickles follows this up with lines like, “Look at the Pyramids, son. They’re massive… just like your mother’s ass!”

Hutaree? Christian Warrior? Hooker for a three year old? Choke your wife? VC prostitute?

These don’t match. It could be that the dissonance is within the person of Kris Sickles and that he considers himself to be both a Christian Warrior to bring God’s Kingdom to Earth by killing cops for Christ and a guy who likes to put a preschooler on film and talk about getting him a hooker. There are a lot of people who live like that, and Sickles does display a preoccupation with Christianity elsewhere.

It could also be that Kris Sickles is, as his wife insists, no Christian Warrior. It could be that the feds have got the wrong guy. It’s happened before, many times.

It’ll be interesting to follow the trial, follow the evidence, and see whether Kris Sickles is really guilty of planning a cop killing spree… or just guilty of really bad taste.

They’re innocent until proven guilty of preparing an attack on police officers to initiate the realization of the Turner Diaries, but beyond a reasonable doubt they have introduced some colorful pseudonyms to American culture.

Vote for your favorite:

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And if you were going to take up arms to fight the Anti-Christ New World Order, what name would you give yourself?

If you’re looking for a copy of an indictment against the Hutaree Nine that shows the U.S. government to be simply arresting Americans for exercising their religion and their right to bear arms, well, we don’t have that indictment, because it doesn’t exist. That paranoid notion of an anti-Christian indictment has been blazing across the internet this morning but is a fiction.

If, on the other hand, you’re looking for a copy of the actual, real indictment against the Hutaree Nine, you can read it right here. It was issued by a Grand Jury in Michigan, not the Illuminati, and is attested to by two Assistant United States Attorneys, Joseph Falvey and Ronald Waterstreet. Neither Falvey nor Waterstreet has been a contributor to the Obama campaign or to any Democratic candidates. As a matter of fact, Falvey is a two-time contributor to Republican Senators.

Some excerpts from the indictment describing the activities of the Hutaree Nine:

Some Hutaree members are identifiable by their tiger stripe camouflage uniforms with a distinct shoulder patch which contains a black cross, two brown vertical pillars which form the letter “H” in combination with the black cross, two red spears, a brown V shape at the base of the cross symbolizing the supporting hands of the Hutaree, and the initials “CCR.”

From on or about August 16, 2008, and continuing thereafter up to and including the date of the filing of this indictment… the defendants… acting as a militia group known as the Hutaree, did knowingly conspire, confederate, and agree with each other and other persons known and unknown to the Grand Jury, to levy war against the United States, to oppose by force the authority of the Government of the United States, and to prevent, hinder, and delay by force the execution of any United States law.

The general concept of operations provided that the Hutaree would commit some violent act to draw the attention of law enforcement or government officials and which would prompt a response by law enforcement. Possible such acts which were discussed included killing a member of law enforcement after a traffic stop, killing a member of law enforcement and his or her family at home, ambushing a member of law enforcement in rural communities, luring a member of law enforcement with a false 911 emergency call and then killing him or her, and killing a member of law enforcement and then attacking the funeral procession motorcade with weapons of mass destruction. These acts would intimidate and demoralize law enforcement diminishing their ranks and rendering them ineffective.

The general concept of operations further provided that, once such action was taken, Hutaree members would then retreat to one of several “rally points” where the Hutaree would wage war against the government and be prepared to defend in depth with trip-wired and command detonated anti-personnel Improvised Explosive Devices (IED), ambushes, and prepared fighting positions. It is believed by the Hutaree that this engagement would then serve as a catalyst for a more wide-spread uprising against the Government.

According to the plan, the Hutaree would then attack law enforcement vehicles during the funeral procession with Improvised Explosive Devices (IED) with Explosively Formed Projectiles (EFP). Subsequently, and in furtherance of this plan, David Brian Stone, a.k.a. “RD,” a.k.a. “Joe Stonewall,” a.k.a. “Captain Hutaree,” obtained information about such devices over the internet and emailed diagrams of such devices to a person he believed capable of manufacturing the devices. Also in furtherance of this plan, Joshua Matthew Stone, a.k.a. “Josh,” and others provided materials necessary for the manufacturing of such devices at the direction of David Brian Stone…

David Brian Stone, a.k.a. “RD,” a.k.a. “Joe Stonewall,” a.k.a. “Captain Hutaree,” also announced to conspirators a covert reconnaissance exercise scheduled for April 2010, during which exercise anyone who happened upon the exercise who did not acquiesce to Hutaree demands could be killed.

In anticipation of the summit, David Brian Stone, a.k.a. “RD,” a.k.a. “Joe Stonewall,” a.k.a. “Captain Hutaree,” solicited a person he believed capable of manufacturing destructive devices to provide him with four anti-personnel Improvised Explosive Devices (IED) to take with them to the summit. Although weather conditions prevented them from reaching their destination, David Brian Stone, a.k.a. “RD,” a.k.a. “Joe Stonewall,” a.k.a. “Captain Hutaree,” identified law enforcement officers in a specific community near his residence, and one officer in particular, as potential targets of attack.

From on or about August 13, 2009, and continuing thereafter… the defendants… without lawful authority, did knowingly attempt to use one or more weapons of mass destruction, specifically, explosive bombs, explosive mines, and other similar explosive devices against persons and property within the United States, to wit: local, State and Federal law enforcement officers and vehicles…

These are accusations, not confirmed activities, and until the Hutaree Nine are convicted by a jury of their peers they are presumed innocent. It will be interesting to see whether these literally explosive allegations bear up under the scrutiny of a criminal trial.

… at least that’s what you’d think if you took the assertions of some Americans seriously. This morning, after the announcement of a handful of arrests in the case of the militant Christian group called Hutaree, Pied Piper wrote to declare:

Anyone with a bible and a gun in there home will be cosidered to be a christian militia member. This is the next step of Obama’s jihad on America.

Pied Piper isn’t alone. Here at Irregular Times, we’ve received comments from multiple individuals, each of whom is convinced that Hutaree members are simply being arrested for some combination of having a religious faith and owning a gun.

None of us will know for sure what criminal charges actually led to the arrest of the Hutaree until the arrest warrants are unsealed later today. But if those warrants actually reveal arrests for the crimes of being a Christian and owning a gun, we can surely expect millions more to be arrested by nightfall as Barack Obama unveils his rainbow turban and flies out of the Oval Office on his magic carpet to declare the opening waves of his jihad on America.