irregular guy IRREGULAR TIMES
Irregular Finance: Love Your Neighbor!

Dear Irregular Times:
Given that the world's population is projected to reach 40 billion people by the middle of the next century if it continues to grow at its current pace, do you really think that it's wise to advise generation Xers to start investing money for their retirement? Won't the economy fall apart under the pressure of this tremendous overpopulation?
-Crowded Out

Dear Crowded:
Your question is naive. An increase in population can only improve the economy and the value of personal investments along with it. The problems that bleeding hearts like yourself suggest would result from increased population are mere doom and gloom science fiction. Consider the following:

1. Increased population means more people to buy more products. At the same time, the high number of potential workers will create a labor glut that will allow lower wages. Profits for corporations will go up, as will the value of their stock.

2. Governments will be too busy trying to find everyone a place to live and food to eat to enforce the pesky labor, product safety and environmental regulations that currently impede the healthy growth of business. The cost of being in business will drop, allowing further profit increases.

3. An objective analysis shows that an individual can live happily in a 400 square foot one-room apartment, under the right conditions. The spacious interiors of today are a decadent luxury. Besides, given our advanced skyscraper technology, we can always build up. The sky's the limit!

4. People living in a democracy will always have to make sacrifices for the greater good of society as a whole. It is irresponsible, however, for the workers who directly receive the benefits of big business to selfishly refuse to reinvest their earnings. Remember, what's good for business is good for the country.

5. Our nation's defense contractors have developed top secret technology that will allow industrial development to continue without the depletion of the Earth's natural resources, pollution of the environment, danger to consumers or infringement of human rights. Patents are pending.

return to 6. The colonization of Mars should begin in about 15 years, giving us all the space on Earth that we need.

7. People are an expendable commodity. If we get too many, we can always just mow them down with machine guns and then send in the vultures!

Oops! Forget that last one. Well, anyway, my point is that you can calm down and call your brokers, people. Everything's going to be just fine. I know. I'm a professional.

Return to Irregular Times' Funny Money, you big government spender!

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