The Ribald Reign of King George the Second

Secret Messages from King George the Second

Poor King George the Second. He's always wanted to be just like his daddy, sitting on the throne, making his own decisions like a real adult. Alas, it is not to be. Vice Chancellor Cheney and his other regents never let him speak for himself. They say he'd embarrass the Republican Party. It's just not fair -- what's the fun of being king if you can't run the country for yourself?

Well, it looks like our boy Bush has found a way to send out encoded messages to the public without his handlers catching on. In fact, it seems that King George's messages are sent out through the selection of his advisors. The names of the king's cabinet-level appointees turn out to be nothing but anagrams for the policies that George Jr. really wants to promote. By re-arranging the letters in each advisor's name, a secret message from the king is discovered.

Some anagram appointments seem designed to express the king's anger at his role as a figurehead to be manipulated by the real Republican power-brokers. For example, the letters in the name of new Secretary of Education Rod Paige can be rearranged to reveal the secret message, "A dire GOP". Similarly, when he appointed Gale Norton Secretary of the Interior, the king knew that her name was an anagram for "A lorn get-on". Bush the Younger seems to believe that his father is the man behind the whole mess, as is shown by his appointment of Andrew Card ("Dad ran crew") as Chief-of-Staff.

Other cabinet-level appoinments provide clues to the real outcome of last year's election. It seems that George W. knows that he gained the Presidency by cheating, as demonstrated by his anagram appointments of Spencer Abraham to the Department of Energy ("Am a Pa's bench err" - a reference to the decision of the majority conservative Supreme Court Bench appointed by his own father) and Colin Powell to the Department of Defense ("New poll lice" - a clue to the means by which the king's brother was able to manipulate voting irregularities in Florida).

Other anagram appointments show what the king plans to do with his power once he grows up. The anagram of Christine Todd Whitman, head of the Environmental Protection Agency, clearly reveals the king's anti-environmental agenda: "DDT not a whim. I nest rich." The name of Condoleezza Rice, the new National Security Adviser, is an obvious clue to the king's desire to end the separation of Church and State: "A cleric doze zone". Furthermore, the choice of Ari Fleischer as the king's press secretary is a clear sign that the new administration intends to flaunt its plans to funnel public money into the hands of the most wealthy Americans: "Leer as if rich".

Will King George the Second's attempts to escape the control of his regents succeed? Has he finally grown up enough to take care of his own business? Can he be trusted to speak for himself? The anagram-encoded messages he has sent out so far may just be the tip of the iceberg. Is there a secret meaning to the king's "faith-based initiatives"? What does he really want when he calls for "school vouchers"? It's time for enquiring minds to get out their Scrabble boards and find out. The secrets of the king's administrations are as obvious as ABC.

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