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Silhi Yoga:The spiritual discipline of Swami Vheri Phunhiendid

My first contact with Silhi Yoga was quite accidental. I had strained my lower back reaching for a quarter behind a toilet in the bathroom at the corner gas station after breaking up with my girlfriend because of her complaints that I spent too much time in internet chat rooms discussing the relative strengths of Lenny and Squiggy, two supporting characters from the TV show "Laverne and Shirley". I was feeling a little bit low,both physically and spiritually. I guess you could say that my life was somewhat out of balance.

While looking for an inexpensive chiropractor in the yellow pages, I happened to glance at the yoga listings (the alphabet has always been an enigma to me). The first listing read "AAAAAAAAA Silhi Yoga: Learn the Silhi way to live!" The depth and originality of this entry caught my eye, so I went back to the restroom, got the quarter from behind the toilet, and called. A woman named Phyllis answered. She was obviously very spiritual - her voice evoked memories of Islamic calls to prayer. Phyllis told me that I could talk to the Swami himself at my convenience. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted at such an opportunity to meet this great guru of the East.

The Swami's appearance was not quite what I had expected. He met me at the door of his meditation center wearing khaki pants, suede shoes and a bright green polo shirt. He had fair skin, light blond hair and blue eyes. When he saw my surprise, he said, "Of course I'm Indian. Don't let my looks fool you. After all, the aryans who invaded India millennia ago were closely related to the ancestors of Europeans. Logically, much of my ancestry can be traced to India." He spoke with a California beach accent.

Recounting his own spiritual history, the Swami told me, "For many years, I lived my life with no sense of dharma. I tried to find order for my life in many ways. For some time I was a student of the martial arts, abandoning Tai Kwon Do for the more esoteric disciplines of Pyi Zuh Do and Kuki Do. Finally,in desperation, I traveled to the ancient land of Nuhtreel, which lies in between the Indian sub-continent and Sri Lanka."

He explained, "The Nuhtreelees live a life of complete bliss as a result of their adherence to silhi yoga. They all live to the precise age of 134 years, at which time they choose to die. The Nuhtreelees discovered the hula hoop 5,000 years before Western civilization did. Living solely on a diet of bumblebee fur, lukewarm tea and TV dinners, they become sick only when they tire of their own health. The Nuhtreelee people never have bad hair days, and always feel, you know, fresh. I decided that Nuhtreel had much to teach me and immediately became a practitioner of silhi yoga. If you are willing, I will pass the secrets of silhi on to you."Under the Swami's supervision, I began to learn my first exercise. I was instructed to bend my knees, put my hands on my hips and cock my head slightly to the right. The next part involved walking jerkily around the room in this position, moving my head back and forward and uttering the holy mantra "bokh" at a rapid pace. I must say, by the time I was finished, my consciousness seemed altered. I was very tired though, and so was eager to consume the meal of cracked corn that the Swami offered me.

return to irregulartimes.comI was disappointed that our session was over so soon, but the Swami explained that silhi gurus are expected to maintain a rigorous schedule of golf. I wrote him a hundred dollar check for the first session and walked him out to his car, a Mercedes. "This car helps remind me of the transitory nature of all things," he told me. "The gas goes in the tank, but after a little while, it is gone! Where does it go? For your next lesson, ponder this mystery. You have the potential to be come a first rate student.Already I can see the silhi-ness within you."As he drove away, I felt a sense of complete peace. "He's right," I thought."I've never felt so silhi in my life."

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