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Draft Version Of Apple Earth Day Press Release

Not for release: Plausibility Committee, please review.

Tomorrow is Earth Day, a day when corporations around the world pretend to care about panda bears, the climate, and yoga. This year, we at Apple are aiming higher. In the spirit of transparency, we are going to admit to you that, although we know that dealing […]

Car Exhaust Makes You Fat Even If You Never Even Ride In A Car

Air pollution from cars is making America’s children fatter, and killing far more people than traffic accidents. So, why isn’t the Department of Homeland Security on the case? […]

Barack Obama Attacks Polar Bears Just Before Earth Day

This Earth Day, you’ll heard Democrats talking about how horrible Mitt Romney would be for the environment, and it’s true – as President, Mitt Romney would support anti-environmental policies. What you won’t hear Democrats talking about is the wonderful environmental record of Barack Obama. That’s because Obama has a terrible environmental record […]

A Purple Anemone for Earth Day

An anemone blooming underneath the leaves of a growing ornamental onion, where last year there was only a patch of grass to mow […]