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Crisis! Stocks Up 200 Points! Run for the Hills! Augh!

This morning, the crisis rages on! Stocks are up 200 points! It looks like there’s a crisis for the crisis. [...]

The 79 Point Crisis

It is your patriotic duty to stampede in a panicked herd, just like you did with the Iraq War and the Patriot Act. Don’t stop to think! Give Wall Street all your money right now or you are doomed! [...]

War On Halloween from Consumer Product Safety Commission

Stories were invented back in the 1980s by fanatical right wing Christian groups who hated Halloween because of their religious belief that Halloween is a satanic holiday. These groups tried to get parents to fear trick or treating by spreading false rumors about mysterious, un-named neighbors all across America who used Halloween to attack children. These Christian groups got local TV news and newspapers to spread their warnings that all candy should be checked, just in case a neighbor had pumped cyanide into a Reese’s peanut butter cup. [...]

Amtrak Bag Openings Are Unreasonable Search

There have not been any terrorist attacks on trains in the United States, although there were some very dramatic robberies of trains… back in the 1800s. There is no specific or credible evidence of any plan by any terrorists to attack any train anywhere in the United States. Yet, Amtrak officials are sending armed government agents to search through the bags of Amtrak passengers. That’s plainly against the Constitution. [...]