Bird Flu? That’s so 2005. Swine flu? Two years past the post and no more or less dangerous than regular flu. Satanic cults? Since 1987, they have gone completely underground, surfacing only on occasion to engage in ritualistic mass torture of algae. I know that
There’s also no credible, specific information that any such attacks are being planned by anybody in particular. Yet, the federal government is spending more than six billion dollars this year in efforts to prevent bioterrorist attacks.
I greeted the Mormon missionaries with a “Good morning! Our whole house has swine flu.”
In test groups, when the H1N1 drill was used in response to the earliest symptoms, all further flu symptoms were prevented. Test subjects who had full blown H1N1 swine flu that were treated with the H1N1 drill experienced almost instantaneous cessation of symptoms.
So far in the United States, as of the end of last week, 40,617 people have caught the new strain of swine flu. Only 263 have died afterwards, and many of those people already had frail health. That’s less than a 1 percent fatality rate.
We must not go to war. For one thing, we can’t go to war. Thanks to Barack Obama’s decision to keep Americans in Iraq with a slow withdrawal, and to add new American soldiers to the fighting in Afghanistan, we don’t have the sufficient military force for an invasion and occupation of North Korea.
If you’re worried about swine flu killing you, then the rational thing to do seems to be to keep your face mask off, and get sick with this virus as soon as you can, before it has the chance to mutate into something nastier.
It is true that scientists have yet to confirm a case in which swine flu has been transmitted over the Internet, but with just one or two mutations, it might be possible.
If we really care about preventing people from dying of respiratory illness, and we’re not just getting a sick thrill out of the feeling that we’re in a crisis, then we’ll start cutting back on activities that lead to the unhealthy air pollution that blankets most of our country.
At 8:00 PM, you can watch could have watched the Barack Obama news conference right here, live, thanks to Hulu. I’ll be liveblogging the news conference by updates to this post. Feel free to join me in reflection through the comments. What I’m looking for:
… if it is like the regular old garden variety flu.